5th Annual DWTS Rankdown: Speed Run Edition

[*Lily]

Erika Jayne

 

 

Welp. Guess it's time to cut Erika Jayne. Objectively still not my least favorite housewife to do this show because Lisa Rinna is right there but also Lisa Rinna was fun on DWTS! Erika was underwhelming in all honesty. As was a big topic here during the run of that season she was definitely on the end of some sexist double standards and I'm glad she wasn't afraid to call that out. Objectively speaking she obviously should have outlasted some of the weaker guys like Bonner, but I don't think her elimination was all that disappointing and got shadowed by a bigger upset the following week anyway. All of her dances were fine but I was kind of expecting more from her.

 

Erika is still on RHOBH where she continues to suck the life out of every episode. A real shame because I did like Erika but have just never completely trusted her side of the story with all of her ex-husband's legal dramas. Let's put Sutton on Season 31 just to make her envious!

[Elliott]

KRISTIN CAVALLARI

Kristin Cavallari is a “celebrity” who is most known for her contributions to MTV with Laguna Beach and The Hills, among other things.

 

She was on the thirteenth season of Dancing With the Stars, where she was partnered with Mark Ballas and eliminated third. I think their elimination, at the time, was seen as a bit of a shock considering she was a decent dancer and conventionally attractive, but I don’t care.

 

Most notably, she’s been brainwashed by Jenny McCarthy and thinks that childhood vaccines cause autism. She’s vocally been anti-vaccines for her children alongside Jay Cutler as a result. She can f*ck right off with that nonsense because (even thought vaccines don’t cause autism) why is an autistic child worse than a dead child????

Edited July 17, 2022 by Elliott

[*Chris]

2 hours ago, *Lily said:

Erika Jayne

 

 

Welp. Guess it's time to cut Erika Jayne. Objectively still not my least favorite housewife to do this show because Lisa Rinna is right there but also Lisa Rinna was fun on DWTS! Erika was underwhelming in all honesty. As was a big topic here during the run of that season she was definitely on the end of some sexist double standards and I'm glad she wasn't afraid to call that out. Objectively speaking she obviously should have outlasted some of the weaker guys like Bonner, but I don't think her elimination was all that disappointing and got shadowed by a bigger upset the following week anyway. All of her dances were fine but I was kind of expecting more from her.

 

Erika is still on RHOBH where she continues to suck the life out of every episode. A real shame because I did like Erika but have just never completely trusted her side of the story with all of her ex-husband's legal dramas. Let's put Sutton on Season 31 just to make her envious!

I was gonna cut her next! 
 

Also the show needs a revamp - keep Sutton and Garcelle , that’s all. 

[*Lily]

4 minutes ago, *Chris said:

I was gonna cut her next! 
 

Also the show needs a revamp - keep Sutton and Garcelle , that’s all. 

Apparently the EP is leaving so we can only hope!

 

I would have said keep Crystal too before this season but now I’m not quite sure  

[*Chris]

13 minutes ago, *Lily said:

Apparently the EP is leaving so we can only hope!

 

I would have said keep Crystal too before this season but now I’m not quite sure  

I still like Crystal ; she does mean well. She’s easily in the top three.

 

worst this season? DJ and LR

[*Lily]

1 hour ago, *Chris said:

I still like Crystal ; she does mean well. She’s easily in the top three.

 

worst this season? DJ and LR

Diana is an awful addition idk what they were thinking. Promote Sheree! The more Sheree’s on Housewives the merrier
 

(Will keep making all my posts Housewives-related until we get the Housewives rankdown we deserve! Even if it’s just me @*Chris and @Zoey)

[*Chris]

17 minutes ago, *Lily said:

Diana is an awful addition idk what they were thinking. Promote Sheree! The more Sheree’s on Housewives the merrier
 

(Will keep making all my posts Housewives-related until we get the Housewives rankdown we deserve! Even if it’s just me @*Chris and @Zoey)

Yes! Sheree!

 

All the theories around DJ is yikes…. Then people are connecting Hayden’s recent people interview to DJ since she was in the famous book….

[Alex95]

Joe Amabile

The fact that I think he's the last Bachelor male alum standing in this game??? Lol mess. Joe was on a season of The Bachelorette and he was booted the first night. But he randomly became a fan favorite cause he works at a grocery store or something??? And that apparently earned him a spot on DWTS with an inexplicably large fanbase. Despite having no dancing ability whatsoever, he continued to skate by week after week. And we weren't all that mad about it because we were too busy railing into Bobby Bones. But luckily I have enough hate in my heart for all the men who overstayed their welcome this season. So f*ck you Bobby Bones. F*ck you John Schneider (who is also inexplicably still in this game????). And f*ck you Joe Amabile. You all beat Tinashe and you all should be ashamed of yourselves. Joe had the lowest score of the night literally every single week except the 6th week when John was worse and his final week when Bobby was worse. His trio salsa with Jordan Kimball is definitely his most memorable routine as it was essentially a striptease. But that striptease also helped him advance over Tinashe so I'm not here for it. I'm sure Joe has done something problematic as every member of the Bachelor Nation seemingly has. One time I stumped upon the Bachelor subreddit and it was the most insane place I've seen in my life. You wanna see chronically online people...go to that subreddit! Congratulations to all the Bachelor Nation women (including first boot Trista Sutter) on beating all the Bachelor Nation men now.

[totes4totes]

6 minutes ago, Alex95 said:

I'm sure Joe has done something problematic as every member of the Bachelor Nation seemingly has.

Blue Lives Matter Joe

[*Chris]

On 7/14/2022 at 12:56 PM, *Diana said:

Kirstie Alley

 

 

Is Kirstie Alley the worst dancer left? No. Is Kirstie Alley a good person? Also no. Like Megan said about Sadie and I agree with Kirstie's Dancing journey does not justify her still being in our rankdown with her problematic views and behavior. She made it all the way to the finale during season 12 which was unfortunate because she wasn't that good and she is completely irritating to me..Anyway she danced with Maks who she hasn't said the Nicest things about after the fact. Their best dance? Probably their Freestyle I guess which got them their only perfect score of the entire season. She just is a vile person who I am happy to cut. 

I didn’t see this until now.  You missed an opportunity to really go all in with her especially her trump love, her views on Covid, and of course, Scientology ; I’m disappointed  

Edited July 16, 2022 by *Chris

[totes4totes]

 

Hannah "I didn't know it was bad to sing the N-word but I was drunk and it was my brother's fault" Brown

 

Surpassing the previously insurpassable Jojo Fletcher in terms of most popular Bachelor Nation contestants on IG is Hannah "I freaked in a windmill three times and Jesus still loves me" Brown. Oh Hannah. I know this isn't a Bachelor Nation rankdown but with how much DWTS likes to intertwine itself with Bachelor Nation it almost feels like it should be. She's a mess who arguably NEVER should have been the Bachelorette (thankfully Tayshia would become Bachelorette a scant one season later). But I think as all (well at least 85%) of all Bachelor women from the South, Hannah has shown time and time again not only is she messy as hell (which she's like 25 now, that's fair) but she's also willfully ignorant (see: the N-word controversy highlighted in the title).

 

I mean we all cancelled Rachael Kirkconnell over her Southern Belle photo but barely put any energy into Hannah's own

 

 

Which she quietly deleted when Rachael started getting a lot of flack. She ALREADY said the N-word, she cannot be caught in another racist controversy!

 

There are a number of Bachelor contestants I respect and think have largely used their platforms for doing good or showing the work they've put in to do better (arguably, all because they are queer or women of color or both see: Becca Tilley, the entire female cast of Bachelorette Australia Season 7, etc). But so many of them are just kind of garbage. Which fits because Bachelor is a GARBAGE franchise. (That I do watch every week. I am part of the problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

Anyway, Hannah was a contestant on the 2019 season of DWTS. She was paired with Alan Bersten and they won. Congrats. I don't care!!!!!!

[taylorkat]

I was considering John Schneider the other day, so when my turn comes, consider him cut.

[*Lily]

1 hour ago, totes4totes said:

 

Hannah "I didn't know it was bad to sing the N-word but I was drunk and it was my brother's fault" Brown

 

Surpassing the previously insurpassable Jojo Fletcher in terms of most popular Bachelor Nation contestants on IG is Hannah "I freaked in a windmill three times and Jesus still loves me" Brown. Oh Hannah. I know this isn't a Bachelor Nation rankdown but with how much DWTS likes to intertwine itself with Bachelor Nation it almost feels like it should be. She's a mess who arguably NEVER should have been the Bachelorette (thankfully Tayshia would become Bachelorette a scant one season later). But I think as all (well at least 85%) of all Bachelor women from the South, Hannah has shown time and time again not only is she messy as hell (which she's like 25 now, that's fair) but she's also willfully ignorant (see: the N-word controversy highlighted in the title).

 

I mean we all cancelled Rachael Kirkconnell over her Southern Belle photo but barely put any energy into Hannah's own

 

 

Which she quietly deleted when Rachael started getting a lot of flack. She ALREADY said the N-word, she cannot be caught in another racist controversy!

 

There are a number of Bachelor contestants I respect and think have largely used their platforms for doing good or showing the work they've put in to do better (arguably, all because they are queer or women of color or both see: Becca Tilley, the entire female cast of Bachelorette Australia Season 7, etc). But so many of them are just kind of garbage. Which fits because Bachelor is a GARBAGE franchise. (That I do watch every week. I am part of the problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

 

Anyway, Hannah was a contestant on the 2019 season of DWTS. She was paired with Alan Bersten and they won. Congrats. I don't care!!!!!!

Was probably gonna be one of my next cuts too. Even controversy aside just one of the most uninteresting winners IMO.

[*Lily]

3 hours ago, *Chris said:

All the theories around DJ is yikes…. Then people are connecting Hayden’s recent people interview to DJ since she was in the famous book….

I hadn’t even seen about this but truly not even surprised  

[Zoey]

3 hours ago, *Lily said:

Diana is an awful addition idk what they were thinking. Promote Sheree! The more Sheree’s on Housewives the merrier
 

(Will keep making all my posts Housewives-related until we get the Housewives rankdown we deserve! Even if it’s just me @*Chris and @Zoey)

Don’t get me started on Beverly Hills. Diana is horrendous, Crystal is barely holding a diamond at this point, Sutton is trying too hard but is socially awkward, Garcelle has sucked all the fun out of the chaos and Rinna comes across as a sh*t stirrer but isn’t funny.

 

Erika and Dorit have kept this franchise alive!

[Zoey]

I hate what Erika has done but she is a fantastic addition.

[Solaris]

 

 

me trying to understand whats happening right now

[*Diana]

Hannah is legit the worst. The way she treated Alan after her book is so shady too. No thank you.

[*Diana]

Kim Zolciak-Biermann

 

 

I was going to cut Hannah next but Megan dragged her so now it opens up for me to cut some trash from our rankdown. Kim is a racist. She is not a good person and a horrible dancer. She was danced with Tony who truly besides a few got the short end of the stick with his partner choices. Kim was in season of 21. She withdrew do medical issues which was sad for her but good for the rest of of us as she does not dancer. Her samba got all 4's was a really bad dance. She was not a good person and I am glad to cut her now.

[FrogLenzen]

wow everyone taking great choices, I'm back to the drawing board

[taylorkat]

37 minutes ago, FrogLenzen said:

wow everyone taking great choices, I'm back to the drawing board

There's plenty left!

[FrogLenzen]

Martin Kove

 

It is admittedly difficult to keep track of all the DWTS contestant scandals, so I'm going to instead cut the person with the WORST AVERAGE OF ALL TIME ON THE SHOW! He got last place on the most recent season of DWTS, where he was paired with Queen Britt. He did two dances. Here are the scores he received: 4, 3, 3, 3, 4, 3, 4, 4. Wow, truly impressive. I remember that one dance he did where he just said a monologue for the first part and walked around. Twilight Zone. On top of him not being very mobile he also seemed kind of confused about the whole situation. He's 76 years old now. Elderly contestants are not my favorite. But I can happily say that his wikipedia page says nothing about being arrested so I'll take unproblematic trainwreck seniors over people cast just because of controversy. Also can we talk about how the word "controversy" gets used for things that aren't really controversial, but instead just straight-up inflammatory? 

[Alex95]

KING

[*Diana]

@Alex95ignoring my cut on the first page I see.

[taylorkat]

John Schneider

 

 

John Schneider is an actor known for his character named Bo Duke on The Dukes of Hazzard.  He is also known for being a country singer.  He was on the 27th season of Dancing with the Stars and his partner was Emma Slater.  He lasted way too long and over Tinashe, which is disgusting.  I am assuming it's partially (or completely) due to the overscoring of his bland routines.  His highest score was a 25 for his Jazz danced to Thank God I'm A Country Boy (Len gave this an individual score of 9? Why?) and his lowest score was an 18 for his Foxtrot danced to Good Ol' Boys (go figure).  He's forgettable, so farewell to him!