5th Annual DWTS Rankdown: Speed Run Edition

[Elliott]

Ten years ago, I would’ve been all about a BAG casting but then I discovered he was trash and treated Megan Fox like sh*t so I no longer cared.

[*Chris]

I can finally participate ! 

[*Chris]

 

Most of us know, Martina Navratilova as the former No. 1 ranked Tennis star, notably in the 1970s and 1980s. She has accomplished a lot in the sport, and even more as a gay rights advocate in the US.  As a former athlete, she was the perfect fit to cast on the 14th season of Dancing With The Stars where she was partnered with Tony Dovolani. While on the show, she demonstrated that she is no dancer by having danced a total of two dances where her last dance was the Jive and it was scored 3 points lower than her first dance.  Since the show, Martina has tarnished her reputation as a gay rights advocate with her transphobic remarks at various occasion, including being the leader of the Women's Sports Policy Working Group as a response to Biden's executive order (Preventing and Combating Discrimination on the Basis of Gender Identity or Sexual Orientation).  Most recently, Martina could be seen on the Real Housewives of Miami where she been doing painting with tennis balls & she is married to Miami housewives, Julia Lemigova. Anyway, in this house, we have no time for Martina Navratilova.

[totes4totes]

Nobody cut Derek Fisher before I cut Derek Fisher!!!!

[.Rei]

When is the Lindsey v Jordan fan war starting?? 

[Steven_]

WENDY WILLIAMS

 

Wendy Williams competed on the twelfth season of Dancing With The Stars. She was the second contestant eliminated, which was fair considering her low scores. She never got a score higher than a 6, and her lowest score was a 4 from Len. She danced a cha-cha-cha, foxtrot, and quickstep before her early elimination.

 

Not only is Wendy Williams fodder in this game, but she's very problematic too. She has made several disrespectful and inappropriate comments on her talk show. I never watched her show, but I remember when Joel McHale would make fun of her on The Soup. Plus, her most controversial comments would cause some buzz on social media. Remember when she joked about Drew Carey's ex-fiancé's death? She was reportedly thrown from a balcony, and Wendy quipped "Come on down!" Wendy Williams also accused Beyoncé of faking her pregnancy and said Beyoncé only has a fifth grade education. She accused Carrie Underwood of lying about her injury from her fall. Wendy claimed Carrie made up that story to cover up her desire for cosmetic surgery. She accused Christie Brinkley of faking her fall on Dancing With The Stars too. She also called Trey Songz "dreamy" while discussing his domestic violence charges (and criticized Keke Palmer for not wanting to work with him). She leaked someone's cancer diagnosis on her radio show, even though that person hadn't shared that very private information with some family members. She questioned Kesha's allegations against Dr. Luke; Wendy insinuated someone can't claim abuse unless there's video evidence. There are many more controversial remarks she has made over the years, but I'll just end it here.

 

Problematic contestants have been eliminated here so far, but I don't know how long it will take for someone else to cut her. For some reason, it seems like Wendy Williams gets a pass and her controversial moments are overlooked. Why? Just because she provides reaction gifs and memes? So, I'll just eliminate Wendy Williams myself. She is not an icon. She is not a legend. And she is not the moment.

[jarmon]

It's the way my next 2 cuts were gonna be Bristol & Wendy 

 

[FrogLenzen]

Wendy seeing Steven drag her to FILTH

[*Diana]

David Ross



When you look back at the iconic Normani and Simone Biles season there is a disgusting fact. And that fact is that both were beaten by David Ross of all people. David Ross was celebrity from Season 24 and he danced with popular pro Lindsay Arnold. He was fun and male so according to our judging panel that was enough to spend an entire season over-scoring him and praising him for the absolute bare minimum meanwhile critiquing the actual talented dancers for things like not smiling enough yeah super infuriating and they continue to do so and then be shocked with said men win or David's case become runner up over way more deserving celebrities. He even scored a perfect score and it still laughable to me. Ridiculous on so many levels and I am glad to cut him so he does not last too long in this rankdown.

[Elliott]

David Ross isn’t dancing with Chris Brown and defending the actions. I said what I said. 

[*Amanda]

Chris Soules

 

 

I know I have a reputation for cutting first/early boots, but most of them are forgettable fodder who can wait until all the trash is gone. One person who belongs in the “trash” category is Chris Soules. He was the lead of The Bachelor season 19, and honestly? I’m impressed those girls feigned internet in moving to the middle of nowhere Iowa and living on a farm. Predictably, he & fiancée Whitney didn’t last long, breaking up shortly after his DWTS stint. He was awful on DWTS. Partnered with Witney Carson, he overstayed his welcome while being an extremely bad dancer simply because the viewers are obsessed with white male mediocrity. He robbed both great dancer Willow Shields and iconic Queen Patti LaBelle In 2017, he fled the scene of a fatal car accident. After pleading guilty, he was sentenced to two years probation. Not even any jail time. LOL. So yeah, being a bad dancer who lasted far too long on his season + being a trash human being makes him an easy cut at this point.

Edited July 10, 2022 by *Amanda

[FrogLenzen]

 

Tom Delay is another politician who was on Dancing with the Stars. Have there been this many politicians from the Democratic party on the show? Or is Red Team the only political party allowed? I don't know. Tom Delay has the usual laundry list of red team political opinions that I disagree with strongly. But why did he do the show? Why isn't he still a representative? Because he resigned from everything after being arrested for money laundering and criminal conspiracy for illegal campaign finance stuff relating to 2002 state Republicans in Texas. You know, if Texas is such a red state, then why do the elections have to play dirty? Hmmmm make you think. He was found guilty but then the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals overturned the conviction and he was let free. Well that freed up his schedule to do Dancing with the Stars. Stay classy DWTS. I mean, it is nice to see some actual attempts at holding politicians criminally responsible for their actions and to see someone ACTUALLY resign after negative press, etc. But of course he's still around making comments and writing books and running lobbyist firms. Yay for all of us. If you want details on why you shouldn't like him, feel free to look him up. Highlights include him being a birther and encouraging violence against judges. Well I'm sure that he still feels that "[t]he men responsible... will have to answer to their behavior" regarding the current US Supreme Court Justices 

[*Wallace]

Jeffrey Ross

 

Since David Ross got recently cut, I might as well cut another Ross. Time for me to make another controversial cut in cutting Jeffrey Ross.  Jeffrey Ross is a standup comedian, who participated in the 7th season of Dancing with the Stars, where he was partnered with the beautiful and very unlucky in partners, Edyta Śliwińska. Mann as we all know, Edyta had some really terrible partners with her time on the show but she really got the worst of the worst when she had Jeffrey Ross. On this season, the cast got to dance two dances on three premiere episodes of the show that season (2 performance shows + 1 results show). David danced a Cha-Cha to "Play That Funky Music" that scored a 12 (4s from all the judges). He suffered an injury and I can't remember exactly what happened - but he had to wear an eye patch in that dance, which was unfortunate for him. He was eliminated the following night which was 100% the right call as he was the worst dancer that season. He did dance a Quickstep to "I Get a Kick Out of You" after his elimination. I do wonder what he would have scored, probably a little better than 12 - I would guess maybe a 14? Jeffrey did come back to roast the contestants in Seasons 7 & 8, as he's very well known for roasting celebrities. He's funny as he's a comedian but not really my type of comedy. But yeah, fair boot at this stage of the game.

[*Diana]

9 hours ago, Elliott said:

David Ross isn’t dancing with Chris Brown and defending the actions. I said what I said. 

I have had to stop myself from cutting her twice already, I am disgusted by her behavior lately

[jarmon]

MACY GRAY

Continuing the trend of cutting controversial and trash people out first.

Macy Gray was on Season 9 of DWTS and was partnered with Jonathan Roberts. She was eliminated on Night 2 of Week 1 when the Women took to the stage. She was a horrible dancer and she is a horrible person so it's making this cut even easier. She made some transphobic comments and is trying so hard to stay relevant but she ain't. She appeared on American Song Contest and even got the closing slot, just to not even qualify for the Final, embarrassing. Anyway, good riddance. Buh, bye. 

[taylorkat]

Michael Waltrip

 

 

Michael Waltrip is a professional race car driver, a network racing commentator, and author from Kentucky.  He won the Daytona 500 a few times.  Outside of NASCAR, he competed in four marathons.  He participated on the 19th season of Dancing with the Stars and his partner was Emma Slater.  Michael made it to seventh place, which I don't know how because I found his dancing really lackluster.  He was there long enough to dance eight dances, his highest individual score being a 9 (Freestyle to Black Widow) and his lowest individual score being a 5 (Disco to Car Wash and Jive to The Devil Went Down to Georgia).  My advice to him, stick to race car driving.

[*Lily]

Monica Aldama

 

I wasn't sure who to take out with this next cut and on the surface Monica Aldama might seem like a random early boot in this rankdown. There's probably, almost definitely in fact, more controversial people remaining in the game but their time will come and after seeing earlier today that Monica was one of the 75 people who submitted a character letter for Jerry Harris, during his sentencing hearing, just happens to make her an easy cut for me right now.

On to Monica's time on the show and I am absolutely a hypocrite for my stanning of Sailor Brinkley-Cook while I say this, but Monica was boring! Admittedly it is hard to stand out in a cast of 15 contestants. Admittedly it is also probably hard when Monica became 'famous' through a Netflix show mere weeks before the pandemic and therefore didn't really have any time to adjust to a limelight, so she just felt out of place all season. I enjoyed the moment when she was critical of Val's teaching because Val has been coasting and honestly probably needed to hear that! But what else is there to Monica's journey? Wrongly being called safe that one time? I'm sure she had a couple of good dances but truly I have next-to-no memory of them, and so she just falls into my sh**ty / boring category to make her an easy cut.

 

[Alex95]

Victor Ortiz

Not me saying I wasn't gonna cut anymore Lindsay partners for a while and now I'm on my third in a row . I was searching for seasons that haven't lost anyone yet and I landed on Victor. Victor was on S16 of DWTS and was actually Lindsay's very first partner. As expected, he was not very good. He was in the bottom two pretty much every single week lol until finally being eliminated on week six. He also was arrested for sexual assault a few years ago. The charges were dismissed because "they could not prove anything beyond a reasonable doubt" because of course they couldn't. That's how this country works. I SWEAR my next cut will probably not be a Lindsay partner y'all!!!!!

[Steven_]

ANDY DICK

 

Andy Dick competed on the sixteenth season of Dancing With The Stars. I watched this season live, but I don't remember any of his dances. I'm pretty sure he was the joke contestant of the season who somehow kept surviving elimination despite being totally out of his element. His highest score was for his Viennese waltz, which earned him a 21. However, he mostly got 6's for his dances throughout the competition and was eliminated in seventh place. He lasted way too long. I guess people voted for him because they pitied him and thought, "Aww, but at least he's trying!" That's not a good enough reason, especially considering his problematic behavior.

 

Andy Dick has a history of legal troubles throughout his career. Why did the show give him this opportunity when he's repeatedly been arrested for sexual battery? He was arrested in 2008 for exposing the breasts of a 17-year-old girl. In 2010, he was arrested for sexually abusing a bartender and a patron. He also was involved in a hit-and-run while under the possession of alcohol and drugs in 1999. Despite all this, DWTS decided to allow Andy Dick to compete on the 2013 season of the show. Did they try to repair his image and show America that Andy changed and learned his lessons? Well, he didn't. Andy Dick continued to make headlines for his disgusting behavior. Andy was arrested for sexual battery in 2018 and assault with a deadly weapon in 2019. And he was again arrested for sexual battery just two months ago. Andy Dick is still making these kind of headlines in 2022. And these are just the incidents that led to arrest. He's repeatedly sexually harassed people and exposed himself throughout his career. He has also used the N-word, made antisemitic jokes, and stalked a woman. His gross behavior is inexcusable, so it's about time he's finally eliminated from this game.

[taylorkat]

I don't read about their personal lives, so I typically don't know about what terrible things they do.  I have learned things from reading these write-ups.

[*Chris]

In the world of softball, Jennie Finch is a name that you certainly know of ; I know her due to her participation at the 2008 Summer Olympics where she led them to a silver medal as well to a gold medal during the previous Olympiades.  Outside of the summer olympics, she had a career with the Arizona Wildcats where she is considered one of the best player in its history ; In fact, many consider her a one of the most famous softball player in history.  Having a career at the level of college as well in the NPF, it was only a matter of time until she would be approached by DWTS which was the case for their athlete season ; She ended up being paired up with Keo.  She was not a natural dancer and she certainly struggled with the little amount of dancing she had to do.  But most importantly, Jennie Finch Daigle - Daigle is her married name - wants to be known for her Christian faith. In fact, she used her Christian faith as a reason why to not dance to a Janelle Monae song because it was too risque ; As this reasoning certainly leave a lot to interpretation, we can probably know what she tried to mean with that.  Anyway, she's one of my least favourite parnert of Keo's so I am fine with cutting her at this point, considering that she gave us a total of 0 good routines.

[Elliott]

CANDACE CAMERON BURE

 

In keeping with tradition, I was torn between Candace and Sadie for my third cut, but I figured since Propaganda Barbie has had less of an impact on pop culture, I'll save her for a future cut. Candace Cameron Bure is most known for being the ninth most famous person from Full House, who would later return for the Fuller House revival where she made her character a widow instead of a divorcee. (Because I'm pretty sure it's less traumatic for children to have one of their parents deceased rather than not being married anymore /s).

 

Candace is also an outspoken Republican, where by the EXTREMELY low standards that we set on people, her only source of praise is "well she isn't as vocal as her brother." (Which clearly just reads as "She has the money for a good PR team.") She was on The View for a hot second as their conservative panelist, before being replaced by Meghan "My father, the inventor of toaster strudel the man responsible for bringing the Palin family into the limelight" McCain, though she was understandably not well received by anybody. I think her most notable moment was when she naturally started defending discrimination against gay people.

 

At any rate, let's all take a moment to stan the time woke queen Jodie Sweetin went off script and canonically made Stephanie Tanner bisexual, leaving Candace shook

 

 

Anyway, since this is about Dancing With the Stars, I guess I should take about her run? She sucked.

Edited July 11, 2022 by Elliott

[*Diana]

Nancy Grace

 

 

I have no room for trash people in this rankdown so my next cut belongs to Nancy Grace. Among other reasons she profits off other people's tragedies with often questionable takes and no empathy. Nancy danced on season 13 of the show.  She was partnered with Tristan MacManus. They placed 5th. Not because she was a good dancer though but considering the voters of this show it doesn't surprise me she lasted far too long. They averaged 7 and 8's mostly and were pretty average. They got one 9, although they didn't deserve it for a Foxtrot. She was average at best and not a good person in my book so it is a easy cut.

[*Amanda]

Paula Deen

 

 

Oh look, another trash celebrity to cut from this rankdown. Paula Deen is  a chef with multiple controversies to her name. In 2013, Lisa Jackson, a former employee of her & her brother, sued her for racial and sexual discrimination. She also made allegations of the Deens' racial discrimination against their employees. Jackson said that Deen also mused about planning a southern plantation-themed wedding for her brother with black male servers, but decided against it "because the media would be on me about that". Deen herself has admitted to using the n-word in her deposition. Rightfully, Food Network and multiple other companies cancelled their cooking programs, publishing deals and endorsement contracts with her. And she also posted a photo where  she & her son were dressed up as Lucy & Ricky Ricardo, with her son wearing brownface makeup as part of his costume for Halloween in 2011. This received tons of backlash and the photo was swiftly removed after said backlash and controversy. Naturally, because DWTS can't help but cast controversial celebs, she eventually made her way onto the show. She was partnered with Louis Van Amstel. And she sucked. However, she still managed to last 6 weeks. Her highest score was a 15 for her week 1 Quickstep. Her highest score was a 24 for her week 6  Jazz (all 6's, as there was a guest judge that week). She was eliminated after that routine. The show also decided to waste the iconic song "Vogue" on her so I'm gonna need them to reuse it in a future season. We really didn't need to give her an opportunity to repair her image on this show, but alas. Another trash human and another easy cut.

[FrogLenzen]

Floyd Mayweather

 

You don't have to be smart, but you have to be kind. Floyd is neither smart nor kind. He is a talented boxer with an undefeated record. But his criminal record is not as impressive. Domestic violence. Misdemeanor battery. Felony coercion. Felony robbery. Domestic battery. Misdemeanor harassment. Then there's the civil cases with defamation, the SEC violations... what fun. He has had suspended jail sentences, hundreds of hours of community service, impulse control counseling, county jail time, house arrest, thousands in fines, and a 12-month domestic violence program. Has any of that had any effect on him whatsoever??? It's honestly depressing and a clear sign that he does not need to be in the public eye anymore. He was on DWTS with Karina in season 5.

 

*****Language warning below*****

 

Edited July 11, 2022 by FrogLenzen