Dancing with the Stars Rankdown 4.0 (Winner reveal page 201)

[*Amanda]

Noah Galloway

 

And another Sharna partner bites the dust. Which is great because the only good Sharna partners are Hinch and Charlie. Noah Galloway is a double amputee who appeared on season 20 of the show. He's one of many in a long list of mediocre white men who skated through to the finale based on said mediocrity. Because really, Noah was not a good dancer. At all. But he had the ~inspirational~ backstory and that was enough to get him much further than he should've gone. His lowest score was a 26 for his week 1 Cha-Cha. His highest score was a 40 for his Freestyle. Which isn't surprising because the bar is in the ground when it comes to the judges' scores of mediocre men.

 

Noah's most memorable moment on the show was when he decided to propose to his girlfriend in a very OTT fashion. That engagement lasted all of...5 months. TBH the best part of their engagement was Erin Andrews' reaction in the background:

 

 

Anyway, Noah sucks and lasted FAR too long on his season. Luckily, he won't be lasting that long in this Rankdown.

[*Diana]

Steve-O

 

 

You know whats not fair? I can't go back and copy and paste my dragging of him from the last rankdown we did.. i remember cutting him then and I have zero problems doing it again. I do miss queen Lacey as a pro but egen she couldn't make this man likeable at all. He is all the messy "entertainment" if that's what you want to call it that these dumb producer's love to cast despite their trashy past behaviors. He wasn't a good dancer and he's a very problematic person so this is a very easy cut to make. I don't even remember how long he lasted but I don't care enough to check because this guy doesn't deserve my energy.

 

Saving: Heather Morris 

[Alex95]

Legendary Antonio Brown writeup @totes4totes

[FrogLenzen]

Harry Hamlin

 

 

This is a very little known fact, but did you know that Harry Hamlin, who appeared on Season 3 of DWTS, and Lisa Rinna, who appeared on Season 2 of DWTS, are MARRIED??? You would never know it from watching The Real Housewives or Drag Race Season 12. 

 

 

JK obviously. You may know Harry from Clash of the Titans or L.A. Law. But I know him most from Mad Men! A TV show we are not allowed to talk about on IDF especially with Alex and Diana RIGHT THERE shhhhhh. On DWTS he was paired with early season sweetheart Ashly DelGrosso. They placed 9 out of 11. Not great. He managed to get a single 8 from Len in his final week after a Tango, but he had to pack his bags right afterward. After this season, Ashly checked out until Season 10 where she was given a bad dancer partner. Poor Ashly only ever got one 9 and it was when she was with Joey in Season 1. Harry never had the lowest score when he was on the show but I guess he couldn't pull in any voting enthusiasm. 

 

Save: Frankie

[totes4totes]

My wifi for some reason has become incredibly slow so if I don’t get my Derek Fisher write up within 45 min please nobody cut him or Von Miller

[*Amanda]

Doug Flutie

 

Doug Flutie appeared on season 22 when the show runners decided to go all football overkill on us and cast 3 football players on the same season. Doug was easily the worst dancer of the three. He was partnered with Karina. His lowest score was a 15 for his Foxtrot. His highest score is a 21 for both his Tango and Bollywood. LOL at the show allowing Bollywood as a style. Glad they decided to ditch that and stick to just Contemporary, Jazz and Charleston as their "other" styles which is still a lot TBH. Anyway, I remember his Foxtrot because it was danced to "Sweet Caroline" which is basically an anthem in Masachusetts and is played at every Red Sox game. Other than that, I don't remember much of him but I know he wasn't a good dancer considering he never scored above a 21. He lasted 4 weeks because season 22 had a good amount of fodder and being a football player usually buys you a few weeks even if you're a bad dancer. This was also Karina's last season on the show, which is such a lousy note for her to go out on.

 

SAVING: Aaron Carter

[*Diana]

Our power @Alex95

[Solaris]

Just now, *Diana said:

Our power @Alex95

 

power?  

[Alex95]

I didn't ask for this!

[totes4totes]

Derek Fisher

 

Two Sharna partners in a row for me. Derek Fisher was on season 25 of Dancing with the Stars where he was partnered with Sharna Burgess and for purely sport reasons I HATE him. He was completely mediocre the entire time which is the story of his entire life and career and they placed 11th. Yes I know he was a 5x NBA Champion but three times he was on the Kobe Bryant/Shaq Lakers and the other two he was with Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol. Like. Sir. That's like being the 4th starter on the LeBron/Dwayne Wade/Chris Bosh Heat. It's like being the 5th starter on the Steph Curry/Klay/KD/Draymond Warriors. Debbie Gibson and Barbara Corcoran were robbed simply by placing lower than Derek Fisher because at least their bad dances were memorable. Derek Fisher's bad dances exist. Just like he does. 

 

AND YET. He keeps failing into head coaching positions. Obviously first to the LOLKnicks from 2014-2016 where he had a STUNNING 0.294 winning percentage. Somehow he got a second season with the Knicks despite winning fewer than 20 games. There are 82 games in the NBA season. He lost more than 62 games. He was fired in his second season with the Knicks after 54 games. They couldn't even wait another 28 games to fire him. Somehow this made him all the more appealing as a coaching candidate for the Los Angeles Sparks of the WNBA.

 

Sidebar. I love Women's Sports. My favorite league is the WNBA. My real twitter name is Dr. The Only Good Sports are Women's Sports. I buy the WNBA season pass each year. This year before the WNBA including very prominently the Atlanta Dream against Dream owner Kelly Loeffler encouraging Georgia voters to support Rev. Raphael Warnock he was 4th in the polls. They did something incredible and helped bolster the efforts of grassroots organizers in the field in Georgia. In terms of social change and justice in sports, the WNBA has always been at the forefront. And they also the sport is just incredible. I have a lot of thoughts but unfortunately the only WNBA player in this rankdown is Arike Ogunbowale so hopefully in a long time I'll get to talk about her. End Sidebar.

 

Now here's the thing. Derek Fisher in his two years as head coach of the LA Sparks has a winning record finishing 1st in the West and 3rd in the west in 2019 and 2020 respectively. However, the Sparks are one of the WNBAs most talented teams with both Ogwumike sisters, Chelsea Gray, and Candace Parker. In 2020 he got resurgent Brittany Sykes and got Riguna Williams to continue on her 2019 trend of scoring points. Candace Parker showed people that she showed no signs of aging and in addition to her team leading average of 14.7 points per game she was voted by media as Defensive Player of the Year. When you have a basketball team that is this good and talented you don't have to do much. Throw him on The Liberty or The Dream and we will see how good a coach he is. But despite all that talent. Two years in the playoffs they've been horribly embarrassed. And both years by the Connecticut Sun. 

 

In year 1 of his tenure in a must win game, he benched Candace Parker and Nneka Ogwumike AKA the two best players on the team for the ENTIRE fourth quarter. They ended up losing that game 56-78. And were out in the semifinals of the playoffs. In 2020 they were bounced in round 2 after losing 59-76. There is something deeply wrong with your coaching if your team is consistently dominant in the regular season and falls apart by huge margins in the post season. Because it's not that they lost, it's the way they lost. They weren't even competitive. 

 

After the 2019 season it was revealed that the LA Sparks essentially only looked at Derek Fisher for coach. In 2020 they promoted him to GM. They promoted him in a season where their three best players (Candace Parker, Nneka Ogwumike, and Chelsea Gray) are all free agents. Good luck. Let's see what he can do with a roster without all three of them. 

 

Here's some fun tweet quotes from people about Derek Fisher. 

 

"2 yrs ago the sparks had the deepest roster in the wnba hall of famers, mvps, dpoy, & star rookies & derek fisher couldn't win a playoff series"

 

"Derek Fisher is the best head coach in the WNBA tbh. Who’s doing it like him?

ⓘ 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴"

 

"1. Cheryl Reeve ...... 12. Derek Fisher"

 

"Remember when Derek Fisher benched her during an elimination game of the WNBA finals.... "

 

"I think the #Sparks front office is left with a clear choice: you can have Candace Parker or you can have Derek Fisher but you can't have them both. "

 

"Derek Fisher had his second chance and he needs to be fired. This performance was beyond embarrassing and LA had a problem all season long not playing through their best players enough. #WNBA"

 

"I wonder if the Sparks will finally sack Derek Fisher now. Dude's in over his head. A waste of those players' talents having them play under an incompetent coach. #WNBA #lasparks"

 

Anyway, the list goes on. This probably does not explain why I hate Derek Fisher so much but it just burns me so deep in my soul that this mediocre man keeps failing to more power in the WNBA. Under him I know that the Sparks will never be able to compete in the postseason. And Candace Parker has worked too hard for too long to just keep getting freaked over by shit like this (please attend my next article on why Geno Auriemma sucks balls for essentially kicking CP off the US Women's Basketball team for not being a Nike Athlete and playing college at Tennessee). I just want the best always for Candace Parker and I hope that 2021 sees her free from Derek Fisher's mediocrity. And I hope Chelsea Gray and the Ogwumike sisters follow. 

 

Also Derek Fisher is like "LOL I totally can be GM I know all about CBAs from when I was President of the NBA players union" well Derek Fisher in his role deeply freaked over other NBA players during his tenure there so he is just an awful person. And also probably a loan shark. 

[totes4totes]

As an addendum I hate Derek Fisher because to me it feels like he views the WNBA as a consolation prize for not being a good enough coach for the WNBA. That he lucked out on getting a coaching job for one of the most talented and highly regarded teams in the league. While pretty much every other male coach had exclusively worked their way up through women's basketball either college or the WNBA or had a pretty highly regarded coaching resume. 

[FrogLenzen]

5 minutes ago, totes4totes said:

"Derek Fisher is the best head coach in the WNBA tbh. Who’s doing it like him?

ⓘ 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴"

kek

[Solaris]

Wow, Megan a lot to say.  Appresh.

 

Remaining Nominations:

John O'Hurley

Sara Evans

Billy Ray Cyrus

Ted McGinley

Kristin Cavallari

Gavin DeGraw

Jack Wagner

Alek Skarlatos

Hayes Grier

 

for  @Elliott @*Lily and @*Wallace

[totes4totes]

I am more passionate about sports than DWTS. All my remaining write ups will be 100 words even.

[*Wallace]

Ah wow, Megan did have a lot to say on Derek Fisher there.  

 

Lol oops, my saving of Hayes was a waste. Maybe I should have saved Kyle instead?    

[*Wallace]

Cut Sara & Ted

Save Kristin

 

#SorrySola 

[Solaris]

14 minutes ago, *Wallace said:

 

 

#SorrySola 

 

[*Wallace]

Ted McGinley

Ted McGinley is an actor, best known for starring in Married with Children, Happy Days, The Love Boat and some other shows - and he competed on Dancing with the Stars Season 7 and partnered one-time pro, Inna Brayer. Ted only lasted….. one full week but danced two dances, which actually really surprised me as Ted is a popular actor from the 80s and 90s, with huge nostalgic factor to him and I thought he would have appealed much more to the Facebook moms and that voting block. Apologies for my generalization there. But Ted’s run/dancing ended up being mediocre and forgettable. Although random but isn’t Ted known as the actor for shows ~jumping the shark~ whenever he’s involved with them? Or was that someone else?

 

Ted danced a Foxtrot to “God Knows Why” scoring an 18 and a Mambo to “Mambo Gozon” scoring a 19. Wait, didn’t Kathy dance her Salsa to the same song?  I literally wrote this just a few hours ago LOL. I mean, Ted wasn’t terrible enough to stand out for the wrong or right reasons per say…. he was fine, had some potential to grow and get better. But it just didn’t happen. Maybe he shouldn’t have been the second boot base off his dancing, and i would have liked to seen him grow and see more of what Inna could do as a pro. But at the same time, I wasn’t crying about his elimination. I also can’t seem to find his dances on Youtube (but they are on Dailymotion and I don’t think we can embed those videos), so this will write-up will come to a close now.

[*Amanda]

Wally, how do you manage to find so much to say about a celeb as boring as Ted?  

[*Wallace]

3 minutes ago, *Amanda said:

Wally, how do you manage to find so much to say about a celeb as boring as Ted?  

LMAOO I don't even know. I surprised myself there too.    

[*Wallace]

Sara Evans

Oh gosh, well first off #SorrySola for this Sara Evans cut. I left Billy Ray alone for the time being as i would have felt awful cutting both of them at the same time but… at the same time, I don’t think I could let them both make it through sooo gah. 

 

Sara Evans is a country singer, who competed on Dancing with the Stars Season 3. Sara was partnered with Tony Dovolani, where they came in 6th place. Fun fact, but DWTS was the first time I have ever heard of Sara Evans. I knew she was a country singer but I had never heard of her or knew any of her songs prior her doing the show. But oh gosh, I don’t know why but i had a dislike of feelings for Sara on the show, which I feel so bad about now. I was a different person back then.  

 

Sara lasted 5 weeks on the show. Her run was….. pretty boring and mediocre, at best. Sara danced a Foxtrot (scored a 15), a Mambo (scored a 21), a Jive (scored a 25), a Paso Doble (scored a 20) and a Samba (scored a 24). I am sure her Foxtrot was bad. I don’t remember this dance but it scored a 15, so it couldn’t have been good. I remember finding her Mambo & Samba fine and safe. They could have been worse but also could have been better. Those dances seemed to lack the fun spicy Latin flair. I remember liking her Jive, thinking that was a cute dance and by far her best dance. Then I really disliked her Paso Doble, and found it so blah and pedestrian. She did not embodied the character of that dance at all. 

 

I remember being really upset that she and Jerry outlasted Willa and Vivica this season - and this was my first time being invested in DWTS in live time sooo the feelings were intense. Although with Jerry, I at least found him to be a fun trainwreck whereas Sara was just…. there. But then Sara dropped out as she was dealing and going through a divorce, so i felt really bad for her for that. I wasn’t a fan of her on the show (but I liked her Jive) but I have grown to appreciate her as a singer getting to know some of her songs, so there’s that at least.

 

 

 

 

Saving: Kristin Cavallari

 

[Elliott]

Cut John O'Hurley & Hayes Grier

Save Billy Ray Cyrus in case Sola's giving any advantages

[Elliott]

JOHN O'HURLEY

you can see him in the back of this photo, don't @ me

 

I seem to be getting a reputation as the #1 John O'Hurley hater at IDF, and I love that journey for me.  As we all know by now, John O'Hurley was the OG runner-up of Dancing With the Stars, placing second to the one and only Kellegend Monaco. The result was a bit of a surprise to some (including John), since he had the highest average of the season and thought that, as a white man, he deserved the win. Rather than being gracious in his defeat, he nagged ABC relentlessly until they decided to host a one-off charity "Dance Off" special. Since the judges were also on his d*ck, they decided they wanted him to win, too, so they gave him the higher scores than Kelly Monaco, and the voting public ultimately sided with John, as he became the "Dance Off" champion by a slim margin of less than 2%! #neverforget his ugly, desperate smug face when he won a dance off while Kelly just reminded everyone that it was only for charity. The way that Kelly Monaco won reality TV with the way her face read John O'Hurley for that entire ordeal!

 

Anywhore, was John a good dancer? Yes. Objectively, I'd say you could argue that he was the actual best dancer of that cast. But his attitude is among the worst ever, and he made headlines not too long ago when he came out in support and defence of Agent Orange. In retrospect, we shouldn't have been surprised that he was a MAGAer considering he - like Trump - couldn't handle losing a popular vote to a woman!

[Elliott]

9 hours ago, totes4totes said:

actually i just remembered that hemo won't stop talking so 

While I agree, I randomly remember her comments on Lea during that scandal essentially being "She's not racist, she's just a b*tch to everyone" and it continues to send me.

[Elliott]

HAYES GRIER

 

I've been in all four rank downs and I still don't remember this guy doing the show. I know the last name sounds familiar, so I think it was either him or his brother that was involved in some homophobic scandal? Probably. According to his Wikipedia page, he was an internet celebrity because of Vine... LOL. I'm worried for when DWTS starts casting TikTokkers. Also speaking of TikTok, apparently there's a new viral video craze on TikTok of people saying Helen Keller never existed because they refuse to believe a deaf/blind/mute person could write books. The level of ableism... far too much! Am I just bringing that up to hit my word count? Duh. He was on the 21st season and was partnered with Emma Slater, and apparently they did fairly well. By default, he ends up being one of Emma's best partners because that bar is alarmingly low... like, it's just JVDB and I guess Rashad. Poor girl needs a break! Anyway, he apparently has his own reality show now because of course he does.

 

SAVE: Billy Ray Cyrus because I'm a Miley stan and her new album slaps.