2023 Reality Stars Rankdown (Zoey’s Decision Next)

[Solaris]

save Nicole

cut Johnny & Justine

[Solaris]

Bananas & Justine

 

 

So I heard a rumor that Johnny Banana's wanted to join the other two iterations of himself in this rankdown, in the elimination circle.  I am hear to honor his request.  Banana's and Justine were paired together on the World Championship edition of The Challenge.  Johnny was on as a veteran having won 7 seasons, and Justine was on as the MVP from the female side of the Challenge USA Season 1.  The two immediately were in an American alliance with Danny/Tori, Sarah/Theo and Kaycee/Ben.  However, Justines closest ally was Sarah (whom she might have been in the finale had she not withdrawn right near the end).  I didn't put much stoke in this partnership as I naturally dislike Banana's.  This brought them down.  They did decently on the season though, they made it through the first 6 episodes without seeing an elimination, but were sent home episode 7 against Jordan & Kaz. Justine still has another appearance in this rankdown, for now.

 

 

Save: Nicole Franzel-Arroyo

 

[Solaris]

oh there were bachelor people for me to cut, oop.

[*Wallace]

Luciana Berry (Top Chef: World All-Stars)

 

Luciana Berry is a chef originally from Salvador, Bahia, Brazil, who currently resides from London, England. Luciana originally participated in and won Top Chef Brasil: Season 2. The premise of Top Chef: World All-Stars seemed to be getting together all of the previous and past chefs from past seasons in an all-stars type competition, hence the title. Sadly Luciana's track record here wasn't anywhere near as strong as her original season. Luciana's placements ranged from IN - LOW - WIN - OUT. Luciana won the challenge on Episode 3's "Cheeky Pints and Pub Bites," where the chefs were divided in teams of pairs and their mission was to reinterpret and/or modernizing one of the aforementioned pub dishes. Oooh and I see that Luciana was partnered with eventual winner, Buddha, so that's fantastic how they won together. But sadly, Luciana's luck ran out fast on Episode 4's "Splurred Lines" episode, She got eliminated off of the Scallop Carpaccio with Yakiniku Sauce & Pea Velouté dish she made. She lasted 4 weeks and made it to 13th place.

Saving: Dotun Olubeko 

 

[*Wallace]

Justine! Well I'm glad that Bananas highest ranking in this game was his World Championship ranking with Justine. Ugh I hated that she was partnered with him as it made her a big/immediate target and people wouldn't root for her because of that. Though this was also my least favorite of her RTV appearances but oh well. I did enjoy her and her alliance/friendship with Sarah (surprisingly lol).

Gahh quite a few people hoping that can saved this round. Wishing the best for Noky, Kyland, Kaleb and Azan. 

[Zoey]

I’m here. I was MIA yesterday afternoon.

[Alex95]

Bringing this over to the new page

John Henry Spurlock (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9)
Tanner Courtad (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9)
Cory Wurtenberger (Big Brother 25 US)
Noky Simbani (Big Brother 20 UK)
Kyland Young (The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion)
Ed Eason (The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion)
Josh Martinez (The Challenge: USA Season 2)
Nick Uhlenhuth (Perfect Match Season 1)
Fabio Costa (Project Runway Season 20)
Kaleb Gebrewold (Survivor 45)
Cody Calafiore (The Traitors US Season 1)
Azán (The Voice American Season 24)

[Alex95]

KellyAnne finally getting long overdue revenge on Bananas and orchestrating his elimination against Jordan was the highlight of The Challenge year until Nurysownage.

[FrogLenzen]

save Fabio

cut Cory

[FrogLenzen]

Cory Wurtenberger (Big Brother 25 US)

 

AKA "Skeezy" apparently? He was the youngest houseguest this season and decided to grow a mustache while on the show to prove that he's a big boy. Oh look, he's from Weston lmao that's just like one town over in the county where I grew up. He did pretty well on the show, making it to 8th place out of 17 or so. 79 days total. He only won Head of Household once, and that week there were 2 HOHs? I'm not sure if that was a double episode or if he only got half of the usual HOH perks. Mr. Skeezy is most notable for his showmance with America Lopez, but it seems his position in the house became pretty radioactive once he pulled that move with Izzy so America didn't last much longer than Cory, making it to 6th place overall. 

 

Save Fabio Costa

[Alex95]

Not a Cory stan or anything, but he's a classic Better Than He Had Any Business Being character with his archetype. Would definitely take him over anyone in The Mafia who are all still inexplicably in this game

[Solaris]

2 hours ago, Zoey said:

I’m here. I was MIA yesterday afternoon.

 

write up where then?  

[*Wallace]

Ahh Cory is a really interesting one for me. I really liked and rooted for him at the start of the season. Then when he turned against Cirie & crew (understandably so) and some time after that and when he started getting power, I found him less rootable and wasn't as interested/invested in him as much.  Though his fight with Jared was iconic and one of the memorable moments of the season. And hmmm, I thought he & America were cute'ish together but something about that showmance felt SO forced and shoved down our throats which also helped me not be as invested in them either.  I like them more as a friendship than a couple.

 

Though I am CRYING so hard at Derek's "He was the youngest houseguest this season and decided to grow a mustache while on the show to prove that he's a big boy." comment because that couldn't have been more accurate.  Love how Derek was able to spot that despite not even watching the season.  But yeah there is that archtype on the show with grooming the young nerd growing up to be a man in the house (happened with Ian, maybe with Steve too?).

[jarmon]

Save AZAN

Cut Josh

[jarmon]

JOSH MARTINEZ

Josh Martinez originally started out when he was on Big Brother 19 (the worst season ever), which he won. I disliked him then and I dislike him now. He just never really won me over. I thought he was childish on BB19 with the whole pot banging and screaming. But him winning over Paul was a highlight for me, lol. Anyway, he lasted a whole 13 episodes on The Challenge USA: Season 2, where he was then eliminated in Hall Brawl against Faysal. No surprise, Josh doesn't really make it to the end. So yeah, I don't remember much of what he did, I see he did win one challenge and then got eliminated the first time he was in an elimination. Anyways, no loss here.

 

SAVE: AZAN

[*Lily]

Cody Calafiore

 

Imagine how tired we are! Putting Cody in the same line-up as Kate, Cirie and Rachel? Another sign of men doing the bare minimum! Cody is just boring to me. He's a good competitor sure, but I think he's had luck on his side in previous appearances. When he got made a Traitor in this group I feared he was going to somehow steamroll and that Derrick had once again managed to do all his pre-gaming for him, and thankfully it wasn't the case. He was the first of the Traitors in the group to be turned on, with Christian and Cirie both contributing to his demise. When it came to the Calafiores, I used to be team Cody, because Paulie went off the deep end. But now at times I've come to appreciate the mess he brings and I think he's good with Da'Vonne now so at least he'll play a part in giving us TV. Cody is wallpaper! Not the best reality star of the year.

 

Save Noky Minaj

Edited June 10 by *Lily

[Alex95]

John Henry Spurlock (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9)
Tanner Courtad (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9)
Kyland Young (The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion)
Ed Eason (The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion)
Nick Uhlenhuth (Perfect Match Season 1)
Kaleb Gebrewold (Survivor 45)

[Steven_]

Cut John Henry Spurlock (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9)
Save Kaleb Gebrewold (Survivor 45)

[Steven_]

JOHN HENRY SPURLOCK

 

John Henry Spurlock first appeared in The Bachelorette during Charity Lawson's season. He was eliminated in Week 2. Despite the early exit, the producers thought he would've been a good fit for Bachelor in Paradise. He ended up getting engaged to Katherine Izzo by the end of the season, meaning he was one of the winners of the show. However, their engagement ended December 2023. What else is there to say about John Henry Spurlock? Let's look at his bio. He's from Wilmington, North Carolina. He's an underwater welder. One of his fun facts includes how he shamelessly loves pumpkin spice lattes. I've never had one, so I can't comment. He prefers ornamental grasses over flowers. Huh? What a random fun fact. He has only seen 20 movies his whole life. He's 32 years old, how has he not seen more movies?! Anyway, out goes another Bachelor in Paradise contestant from this rankdown. 

 

Saving Kaleb.

[Zoey]

Save Kyland

Cut Ed

[Zoey]

Ed Eason | The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion

Ed Eason was cast for The Challenge: Battle for a New Champion and lasted for sixteen episodes until he was eliminated by coming in last place in a challenge. I’ve always liked Ed on this show because he seems like a standup nice guy and is pretty funny. Unfortunately, he was on the side of the house that I didn’t enjoy so it took a lot away from him. I think that along with the invisible edit is reason enough to cut him here. Ed’s main reason for competing on the show was to help support his family and that’s all we really got to see from him throughout the season. He managed to get three wins during the season and was continually safe so I have no doubt he would’ve made the final should he have not placed last during the sixteenth episode. 

Saving Kyland.

[Alex95]

That leaves @*Chris with about six hours left for Tanner Courtad (Bachelor in Paradise American Season 9) vs. Nick Uhlenhuth (Perfect Match Season 1)

[Alex95]

Ed, Horacio, and Kyland all getting eliminated in the same episode is still one of the biggest blindsides I’ve ever experienced.

[*Wallace]

Some thoughts on the latest cuts:

 

I remember The Challenge USA 2 was supposed to be Josh's redemption season - to finally get him in the final after being away from the show for a few years. But then he got really emotional and messed up some strategy stuff. Then he was in a physical elimination against Faysal, which he was bound to lose and miss making the final on. He tends to come so close but yet so far to making it to the end - it was especially the case this season. I don't know if he has it in him to make it to the end. 

Hmmm Cody as a traitor.... was, I don't even know how to describe it. I think he did an okay job at it at first but that didn't last and he did crack under pressure. I thought he would have played better under pressure. And the fact that hot!mess of a traitor Christian outlasted him was something shocking that I would not have ever imagined. Overall, far from the best traitor but not the worst either but just there and kinda forgettable as a traitor. But it's clear this show was not for him like Big Brother. 

It's also kinda funny how a "Cory" and a "Cody" both goes out this round.  

LOL I know comparisons were made between them, but I forgot how much John Henry looked like Peter Weber (that gif really highlights that).  John Henry made a bigger impact on BIP for sure - but lol forgot/didn't remember he was a Week 2 boot on Charity's season. I thought he lasted a little longer. Hmmm, John Henry was okay but the way he dropped Olivia after pursuing a relationship with her to be with Kat + the way Kat budded into that relationship, it all just felt icky and awkward to me. John Henry did have some nice/vulnerable moments with Kat on the final which made me warm up to them a little bit. Shame they didn't work out as they looked nice together but still have those initial thoughts on them that I couldn't shake out. 

I mostly liked Ed. I do agree with a lot of Zoey's thoughts on him. He's a fun big personality and was mostly fine as a background figure. Sadly he had to ruin things for us viewers/himself, when he chose to do Jay's bidding with the strategy picking order on the time he won the main challenge - which led to Kyland/Horacio in danger. Then he got purged out the following week, which made me feel less bad for him.... so at least Kyland/Horacio got to outlast Ed.   It was still shocking the way he went as I thought he could have made it to the finale. But still, he was probably one of the more enjoyable guys (to me) of the season after them.  But ultimately okay with him going.

[*Wallace]

2 hours ago, Alex95 said:

Ed, Horacio, and Kyland all getting eliminated in the same episode is still one of the biggest blindsides I’ve ever experienced.

Ooh it sure was. Such a crazy episode that really shook up the season.