Harry Potter Series - Derek's Rants and Reviews

[FrogLenzen]

          

Derek’s Rants/Reviews on the Harry Potter Series: HP5

 

          HP5, AKA the black sheep of the HP series. I swear, every time you ask anyone about Harry Potter they’ll be like “omg I love Harry Potter! So much fun to read! What a cool universe she created. Except for HP5, that one f*cking blows.” I bet that at least eighty percent of those people would have a different opinion if the book just wasn’t so f*cking long. It is the longest book, but you cannot convince me that it has the most content. I mean, HP1 introduced the entire universe to us with no problem in the least amount of pages. Think about THAT. Harry gets back to Hogwarts in HP5 on page 195 (WUT). On page 195 in HP1 it was already Christmas. 

          I won’t belabor my previous points about JKR’s writing TOO much, but I do want to emphasize that the problems still exist in this book before I go rambling on about plot specifics. There are adverbs and ellipses everywhere, and I bet the book would not lose a single ounce of meaning if most of them were removed. JKR is still spelling sh*t out for the reader by both showing with descriptions and then restating the same thing with dumb qualifications. There are still [mildly] interesting but [mostly] useless details included everywhere. I bet I can find a paragraph on every single page of this book that is full of additional unimportant details and can be edited out. That’s 800+ paragraphs deleted without any effect on plot. I swear I could. She spends just as much time (if not more) with details/ambiance/atmosphere as she does plot. It’s a recipe for a huge book without a lot of substance.

          I do have one new thing that I will mention (writing-wise) about this book. JKR has a lack of diversity when describing certain people and/or their actions. For instance, JKR uses the word “toad” in EVERY SINGLE MOTHER F*CKING APPEARANCE by Umbridge. WOW I f*cking get it. She looks like a toad. Let’s try using other ways to describe this person, or else don’t even describe her every time she appears because we know who she is after a while. The use of the word “toad” in relation to Umbridge was officially overused after the third appearance – and JKR used it about a billion times. Similarly, Luna cannot do anything without being described as “dreamy.” Cho and Hermione cannot say anything unless they say it “coolly.” Or Snape with his greasy hair curtains. Let’s diversify our vocabulary, shall we? Maybe delete a few of those repetitive descriptions and your book wouldn’t have been an 800+ page donkey.

 

As usual, I’m going to touch up on some random thoughts before diving into my big issues for this book.

 

• In the beginning, Harry is so desperate for wizard contact but he can’t be bothered to read past the first page of the newspaper? He’d rather look for clues in the Muggle news than in the second page of the Daily Prophet? What a dumbass.

 

• What would have been the harm in telling Harry that he needs to return to Privet Drive? I never understood why they kept that fact from him all this time, when it would save the reader from pages of unneeded Harry-angst.

 

• I really don’t need a play-by-play of the entire cleaning of Grimmauld Place, especially when it’s putting off the return to Hogwarts. Reading about chores is about as interesting as reading about homework.

 

• I really don’t have to hear about every single homework assignment that Harry gets. Reading about homework is about as interesting as reading about chores.

 

• Why didn’t Harry tell anyone about Umbridge detention? Why not just include something about her being authorized to use the quill rather than a bunch of crap about how “Umbridge is pure evil but I’m not going to tell anyone because I’m a stubborn fart.” I mean, she ends up using the quill on other students later and no one cares then.

 

• I feel like Harry/Ron/Hermione are the only ones in the entire Gryffindor house who stay up late at night in the common room. Are they really always alone? Maybe no one likes them. People are like “let’s go play in the common roo—aw, sh*t, the prefects and the attention whore are there.”

 

• I think we needed to have more scenes with Luna Lovegood. The movie does an excellent job of introducing her and developing her and including her in things. In the book, she’s okay… just kinda random at times. “BTW here’s our new best friend Luna, she’s in Ravenclaw but she’s dumb as a rock, she also will have no redeeming qualities until the last interaction she has with Harry at the very end of the novel.” I think it’s a bit of a wasted opportunity, especially with all the sh*t the JKR did feel like she should include in this book.

 

• JKR could have made it a little bit clearer that it was Dumbledore who used his ridiculous powers of Transfiguration to bring the golden fountain to life and block Harry. The first time I read this book I was like… wtf? The statue is magic and it knows to help Harry? Ohhhhhhh. 

 

• The Department of Mysteries was special. At least JKR used the different rooms she described as a part of battle scenes later. At first I was like “I swear to god, if you describe all of these rooms and they amount to diddly-sh*t I’m going to rip out this chapter and eat it.” Are there really 97+ rows full of prophecies? How/when do they record them, and why even bother if no one is ever allowed to touch them?

 

• What kind of Death Eater uses Tarantallegra on an opponent? I was like… you’re a super evil dark wizard, and you’re going to make Neville dance? That’ll teach him! Dance, motherf*cker, dance! Why not just Avada Kedavra? How is Sirius the only one who died? Not even a Death Eater was killed?

 

• Fawkes eating one of Voldy’s spells and then exploding was very strange.

 

• Dumbledore explaining things in the end took a long time. At the end of every book we have to sit through a play-by-play explanation of the entire novel. I still don’t understand why Dumbledore couldn’t explain at least SOME of the things earlier.

 

• A common point, but how come Gryffindors are the only ones who earn magic points at the end of the year? It was hilarious when McGonagall was like “oh, I guess Luna was there, too. Uhhhh, fifty points to Ravinclam? Is that right? What the hell is her house called again?”

 

The Houses (again)

 

          That last point segues into my next one nicely. HP5 outlines my point about the different houses YET AGAIN! After the clubs all get canceled, the DA members from other houses all try to talk to Harry and Hermione is all like “NO! It’s too suspicious for people from other houses to come talk to us!!!1!” WTF is that about? WHY would it be suspicious? Are you guys not FRIENDS with other people? What is the matter with you?!  I also have a severe issue with the fact that 0 percent of the DA are from Slytherin, and that 100 percent of the members of the Inquisitorial Squad are apparently from Slytherin. Whywhywhywhy. How about we diversify some of the identities of the students from Slytherin? How about at least ONE member from Slytherin is interested in learning Defense Against the Dark Arts and isn’t so much of a muscle-head ugly snide vicious douche that you can invite him/her. Inversely, how about ONE member from Gryffindor is uninformed enough and willing to help out Umbridge with her extra-curricular enforcement group. 

          At least JKR did switch it up a bit with Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw in regards to the DA. We met some new people and saw that even someone who’s NOT in Slytherin can be an annoying douche. Of course, no one from Gryffindor is allowed to be a douche because they’re all so brave and they all love Jesus or whatever. Only Seamus was being stupid, and he (of course) redeemed himself later.

 

Grawp

 

          Let’s talk about Grawp. I don’t like him. If I could, I’d delete his ass from the novel (like I want to do to Crookshanks). He’s not as offensive and outgoing in his uselessness, but he still exists and causes more problems than he does contribute to the plot. When you introduce a character like this, you not only have to think of ways to include him in the story, but also reasons why he is NOT included in other parts of the story. Hagrid has a GIANT living in the forest and no one notices? This giant is tied to a tree and that’s enough to keep him there? He is able to find food/water/a place to sh*t with no problem? And no one notices? Hagrid should have just been absent for the first part of the year because he was on that trip with Maxime, and neither of them should have returned home until then (rather than the explanation that Hagrid took extra long to bring Grawp back). Instead we got this literal and figurative giant in the plot that was barely utilized and was more trouble than it was worth to include. 

 

          And at the end of the day, after all the grief he causes Hagrid and the potential stress he causes the trio and the long explanation of his existence (really? Hagrid has a brother? What are the odds that he would and that he’d even be able to locate this brother and that this brother is weak enough to warrant an escape from the giants?) and all the text that we have to read about him, what does he do? He drives the centaurs away. The end. How about the centaurs just all run after Umbridge and Harry and Hermione don’t need the extra help? That would make the trip to the Forbidden Forest with Umbridge at the end less excruciatingly long. I mean, Harry thinks that Sirius is being tortured RIGHT NOW, but JKR has time to describe Grawp running around the forest and saving Harry/Hermione and including more drama than necessary with the centaurs? Most of the time, the only editing tool JKR needs to use is the delete key.

 

Elves (again)

 

          Let’s talk about elves. There is more elf sh*t in this book. We really don’t have to hear about it every time Hermione knits a “bladder” (there’s another description that got old fast). And then when Dobby is shown to be wearing them all, we get no response from Hermione about that? She just sees Dobby in the Room of Requirement and stops making clothes?

 

          I’m guessing that the elf sh*t in HP4 was there for Winky’s sake and it was leading up to the mistreatment of Kreacher in HP5 which resulted in the death of Sirius. Here’s the thing: I don’t care about it. In HP4, SPEW was funny after one paragraph, as were the woolly bladders in HP5. After that, it was overkill. As I stated after HP4, all of the effort that goes into the elf subplot amounts to absolutely nothing. No one cares, nothing changes, and Winky gets a five second scene at the end where she doesn’t reveal anything but it just mentioned by the villain and she has a reaction on the floor (a reaction that is not even surprising or out-of-character with any other scene she was in throughout the entire novel). So that was pointless. If you’re going to draw so much attention to a subject, it has to build up and pay off, right?

 

          In HP5, the elf sh*t was brought up again around Kreacher. This was done in a better fashion, because it actually built up and led to Kreacher’s escape at Christmas and deception at the end of the year. BUT we still had to sit through Hermione’s SPEW garbage and, as I said earlier, she doesn’t even react to Dobby. I think that the emphasis on elves could have been lighter in general (ESPECIALLY in HP4… she was really beating us over the head with it) and some of the crap in HP4 could have been moved to HP5 so that it was at least new to the reader, rather than rehashing it after subjecting us to elf torture in HP4. We’ll talk more about Kreacher as the series progresses.

 

The Mirror

 

          The two-way mirror that Sirius gives to Harry in this book drives me bonkers. How is it that Harry never f*cking remembers that it exists? Was the only reason to include it just so Harry could use a tiny piece of it in HP7 to see Aberforth? Because that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. There are so many other ways that Harry could make contact with Aberforth/Dobby in Malfoy Manor. You’re really going to justify using the mirror then after neglecting it a bunch of times in HP5? When it would have actually made SENSE to use it? The first time I read the end of HP5 where Harry tries to use the mirror and then breaks it… I thought that JKR must have just f*cking forgot that she even included the mirror and for some dumbass reason didn’t want to delete it altogether.

 

          Harry gets the mirror from Sirius and he’s like “I will never use this because I don’t want to talk to Sirius evarrr or for him to worry about me.” Then, a few chapters later he’s whining that he really needs to talk to Sirius about his father and the only thing he can think of is to break into Umbridge’s office and use Floo Powder in her fireplace and stick his head in (even though he’s never done that before and is notorious for sucking at Floo Powder).

WHAT

          It makes no f*cking sense, and I’m floored that JKR or her editor let it slide. Okay, so JKR really wanted to have a scene with Lupin and Sirius about James. That’s fine. But why do through all of the trouble to get Harry into Umbridge’s office when he could have just HAD THE CONVERSATION THROUGH THE MIRROR?! He’s always whining about not having a parent to talk to, and then he gets this awesome magic device that lets him do exactly that WHENEVER HE WANTS, but he just forgets about it completely and comes up with the dumbest plan to remedy him being depressed about his dad. And guess what? In order to get INTO Umbridge’s office, he has to use the knife that Sirius gave him for his birthday! He remembers the KNIFE from a hundred years ago but he can’t remember that Sirius gave him a MIRROR last week? I. Am. Just. F*cking. Baffled. It happens twice – when he wanted to talk about James and after he had his vision in the exam.

 

          This isn’t even mentioning how dumb I think it is that Umbridge’s fireplace is the only one not tracked by the Ministry and that she randomly mentions the same to Harry at one point and he remembers that later. Let’s also talk about how Harry, after taking four hours to get rid of Umbridge in the Forbidden Forest at the end, thinks it would be a better idea to fly to the Ministry on a pack of unpredictable Thestrals for five more hours rather than walk his happy ass back to Umbridge’s office and use Floo Powder to get there instantly. WOW it makes no sense at all.

 

          How about this edit: Harry tries not to talk to Sirius a lot in his mirror because he doesn’t want him to get worried (as it was mentioned), but he still talks to him periodically and pretends to be fine. When he wants to talk about James, Sirius answers the mirror as usual and Lupin is there with him that time. Later, when he has his vision in the History exam, he races back to his room and tries to talk to Sirius through the mirror again, but it is answered by Kreacher (who stole it from Sirius, wow that makes so much more sense than Kreacher f*cking with Buckbeak). Kreacher lies about Sirius, making Harry freak out. Harry then gathers his friends to try and break into Umbridge’s office to use Floo Powder to get to the Ministry, but they are intercepted. Hermione lies and takes Umbridge to the Forest, where she knows that Umbridge will piss off the centaurs. That happens, Grawp doesn’t exist, and Harry/Hermione quickly race back to Umbridge’s office. There they find that the rest of the gang has taken out the [motherf*ckingly evil] Slytherins and they all go to the Ministry together through the fireplace. At the end of the book, he tries to use the mirror to see dead Sirius, it doesn’t work, and he breaks it. That’s so much more simple, makes so much more sense, and doesn’t lose any of the actual good stuff. You’re welcome.

 

The Veil

          As I mentioned before, I’m a bit iffy on all of the things described in the Department of Mysteries. It just seems like JKR’s taking way too long to get Harry into the Hall of Prophecy and discover that Sirius isn’t there. Really, she takes f*cking forever, and the reader therefore loses all the urgency about the situation and is not surprised in the least that Sirius isn’t there. The room with the Veil is obviously something she thought was very important. I don’t really mind the Veil itself all that much. It’s a neat image, and the whole metaphor about dead people “lurking just out of sight, behind a veil” or whatever is kind of cool.

 

          What I did NOT like was how Sirius’s death was handled. It was so f*cking vague and strange. Dear, JKR: Sirius did not have to physically f*cking fall INTO the Veil and disappear for the Veil/death metaphor to work. No wonder Harry was all in denial about Sirius dying! It was so ambiguous that I had no idea what to think either. But noooo, Lupin all about what the f*ck happened three seconds later. “Harry, Sirius is dead. I know this because I have a Veil in my backyard and my Blast-Ended Kneazle ran through it once and never came back.” 
         
           Since we don’t even get a motherf*cking Avada Kedavra from Bellatrix (WHYYYY? Thank you movie for fixing this), I have to assume that it was the Veil that killed Sirius, and not the spell from Bellatrix. How random is that? All of this epic battling going around the room and Sirius basically trips into the Veil to his doom? It was so rushed and sudden, and then we immediately have Lupin swoop in and convince Harry (and also me, the reader) that Sirius had actually died, that yes JKR just did that, oh snap, and that it was time for Harry to grieve about it.

          How about they have a battle in the room with the Veil, Bellatrix tosses Tonks aside, Sirius steps up to protect Harry, and Bellatrix Avadas his ass for being a bad cousin and in the way. Sirius falls down dead, Harry hears Sirius whisper/scream in the Veil, and Bellatrix notices Dumbledore and gets the f*ck out of there. ZOMG! It’s the same scenario, but less sucky! You’re welcome.

 

The Movie

 

          Let’s talk about the movie! Did anyone else think it was hilarious that the longest book got the shortest movie?! Yes? Everyone did? Okay. It just proves my point about this novel not having a lot of content/substance to justify its girth. I personally really enjoyed myself watching this movie. Maybe I got so excited for sh*t to be cut out that I was left with a more positive feeling about the film than I should.

 

          The mirror is gone, the rooms in the Ministry are gone, Luna is prominent, Bellatrix actually uses the killing curse, Umbridge is not a toad but she’s amazing anyway, and things are condensed in such a way that I don’t feel like I miss much of it. Still, because I am a f*cking genius, I have some edits to make. It should have been clearer that it was Cho who sold everyone out, and that it may have been because she was given Veritaserum. Ginny should have been more prominent. Bellatrix should not have had a slow-motion-smug-face-of-destiny before running out of the room with the Veil. Nigel, a character randomly invented by the screenwriter, should have been replaced with a character that was actually in the f*cking book (how about bringing the Collin Creevey actor back? That way you can kill him in the last movie and we might actually remember who he is?). 

 

          The movie should have also taken advantage of the fact that it had time to spare and used it to include some more parts of the book. How about a bit more time with Snape’s memory, so that it includes Lily? How about a bit more time with Neville (in St. Mungo’s or wherever) so we’re more clear about his backstory? How about we talk a bit more about what an Auror is and that Harry wants to be one? How about you make a tiny mention about Percy, since you included his ass in the movie anyway instead of cutting him? How about a scene with Rita Skeeter so we get more Luna time and the amazingness of Rita’s character/actress is not a one-time occurrence in the fourth movie? (and we can have the single greatest quote in the entire Harry Potter universe:)

 

Hermione: So the Daily Prophet exists to tell people what they want to hear, does it?!
Rita: The Prophet exists to sell itself, you silly girl.

 

          Boo-yah, screenwriter. You’re welcome, too.

Edited October 2, 2020 by FrogLenzen

[~Tom~]

I agree about Grawp. He could have been completely omitted and nothing would have been lost. 

 

I think JKR intended to have a good Slytherin in the series with the Wesley cousin Mafalda, but that didn't work out so she built up Luna instead. 

 

As for annoying Gryffindors, there's always Romilda Vane next book.  

 

 

[Elliott]

I thought you were ranting about OotP, not trying to have a post as long as the novel.

[FrogLenzen]

 

[Steven_]

I caught up on your summaries of Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire.  You do make a lot of fair points. Time-travel is always a tricky plot point in any story, and the rule about how Hermione can’t be seen doesn’t make sense. I guess she can’t be seen by anyone who saw the other her? But JKR has answered some of your questions though, such as why Ministry officials couldn’t just send an owl to locate Sirius. But I never thought about how Hermione at the very least should’ve known about the Bubble-Head Charm. That’s a good point. I think the idea that Harry wasn’t able to master it in time would’ve made for a better plot point. 
 

I don’t mind all the extra details JKR included during the World Cup though. I guess she wanted to show the Wizarding World outside of Hogwarts, and that was really her only opportunity at that point of the series. And true that the match ended up being a really short game.  

 

And with the discussion of HP books being so long, it makes me think of the new Cormoran Strike novel that was just released that’s over 900 pages long.

[FrogLenzen]

On 10/2/2020 at 11:14 PM, Elliott said:

I thought you were ranting about OotP, not trying to have a post as long as the novel.

Dead. It's tough caring this much about something that I consider so imperfect! Why does this series affect me so!!!!

 

On 10/4/2020 at 9:49 PM, Steven_ said:

But JKR has answered some of your questions though, such as why Ministry officials couldn’t just send an owl to locate Sirius.

Ooo, I haven't seen that one yet. Got a link?

 

On 10/4/2020 at 9:49 PM, Steven_ said:

I think the idea that Harry wasn’t able to master it in time would’ve made for a better plot point. 

Right!? As a plot device she often relies on keeping Harry Potter completely in the dark about stuff, and I think there's room for variation sometimes.

 

On 10/4/2020 at 9:49 PM, Steven_ said:

I don’t mind all the extra details JKR included during the World Cup though. I guess she wanted to show the Wizarding World outside of Hogwarts, and that was really her only opportunity at that point of the series. And true that the match ended up being a really short game.  

Yeah, I think a lot of people really enjoyed the World Cup stuff more than I did. I found myself getting really impatient with it for whatever reason. Using Harry as the observer to introduce new aspects of the magical world is generally a great way to do it, I just didn't feel like there was a lot at stake (compared to when he discovers new things in like, HP1 or whatever). Some of it just felt like laundry list of details. But most people I talk to love that whole part of HP4.

 

On 10/4/2020 at 9:49 PM, Steven_ said:

And with the discussion of HP books being so long, it makes me think of the new Cormoran Strike novel that was just released that’s over 900 pages long.

WHAT IS IT WITH JKR AND THE FIFTH BOOKS IN A SERIES????

Edited October 6, 2020 by FrogLenzen

[Steven_]

4 hours ago, FrogLenzen said:

Ooo, I haven't seen that one yet. Got a link?

JKR’s explanation:

Just as wizards can make buildings unplottable, they can also make themselves untraceable. Voldemort would have been found long ago if it had been as simple as sending him an owl!

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:55 PM, FrogLenzen said:

just because she’s better than Stephanie Meyers doesn’t mean everything she does is brilliant.

twilight > harry potter. in this essay i will explain........

[totes4totes]

twilight: the epitome of horror and mastering the grotesque when kristen stewart has to drink a blood smoothie out of a sonic cup and edward has to cut a baby out of her WITH HIS TEETH

 

harry potter: no blood drinking. no vampires. no teeth cutting into uterus. the epitome of nothing.

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:55 PM, FrogLenzen said:

          Then, of course, there’s the general “everything important happens at the end of the year” thing. 

breaking the year structure in the 7th book is good. the preceding 6 books are bad. 

[totes4totes]

I think that you touched on this in the first book write-up when you talked about how Dumbledore had to be like "hint hint wink wink" to Harry instead of just like telling him things. It kind of makes sense that the fate of the world is left up to a teen in like. Star Wars where the protectors were all destroyed and the numbers of people not in the fascist order are very small compared to the very large fascist order and Luke Skywalker (Leia Organa, Rei PALPATINE [smh my entire life in shambles and I hate this so much]) is the one with the power to balance the force or whatever (LOL I love Star Wars). Or in the Hunger Games, Katniss is the catalyst because of the public teen hunting execution reality show but she has like adult allies and shit. But in Harry Potter, I believe the fascist wizards are the smaller faction (and also exclusive to just like the UK?????) and the non-fascists greatly outnumber them. And yet. Harry Potter a teenager has to stop Voldemort. Despite there still being very powerful wizards like Dumbledore. And McGonnagall, and the Aurors in the Ministry of Magic. Or like allying with other countries and their wizarding schools and governments. Anyway, this is the kind of stuff I mean when I say that the world doesn't hold up. 

 

Also, Quidditch is a non-contact sport where they don't even like run. They should play each other 3 times at MINIMUM. Also, I think it's said later that in professional leagues the role of the Snitch isn't as large because the Chasers tend to be better so more points are scored via quaffles being thrown through hoops. But overall it's a very dumb sport. Soccer is ALREADY GOOD. But you couldn't have Harry be ZOMG the best and a savant at this very popular position if other people could also score points. 

 

 

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:59 PM, FrogLenzen said:

Why the f*ck would anyone employ a Squib to be the caretaker or a school? That doesn’t make any sense.

Everything makes more sense when you accept point 12 or whatever it is in my hottest takes "IDK maybe all wizards are just assholes"

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:59 PM, FrogLenzen said:

What does he do? Yeah, I guess he keeps the grounds all pretty, but that begs the question again: why not have someone much more qualified do the job? Anyway, let’s talk about his expulsion. If he was expelled for allegedly opening the Chamber of Secrets (to get to a unique monster), accidentally setting it free and killing Myrtle… how in the world would this not be common knowledge to everyone, and how in the world would he still be allowed to stay on campus at the school?
 
          Newsflash: Myrtle died when the Chamber was opened. Extra! Extra! Myrtle is a f*cking ghost now. WHY NOT ASK HER WHAT HAPPENED? Okay, so she didn’t see anything, but Harry cannot have been the first one to ask her about her death. Dippet or Dumbledore should have also done that. Dumbledore should have figured out that someone was speaking snake language, that the monster was a giant snake, that the chamber was in the bathroom, that Tom knew how to speak snake, that Tom was the heir of Slytherin. He’s too smart to not have. And you know? Maybe he did. Maybe he knew it all along and that’s part of why he trusted Hagrid so much and that’s why at the end he was like “Well I thought it must have been Voldemort opening it again but I was confused because my sources tell me he’s in Albania” or whatever he said.

I think his official job isn't "groundskeeper" but keeping up all the magical creatures that are supposedly on Hogwarts grounds like the Thestrals. (IDK what other magical creatures there are that Hagrid doesn't himself bring in, I guess the stuff in the Forbidden Forest and the Lake and junk). 

 

Also, yeah. I guess the best answer for that is not just "Wizards are assholes" but "Wizards are racist assholes who'd rather blame the half giant than the talented but probably evil white kid" which I guess is pretty accurate. 

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:59 PM, FrogLenzen said:

  Polyjuice Potion
          It appears so often in this series that it’s just hard for me to buy in this book that it is this ultra-rare potion that can only be found in that one restricted book. Eh, maybe. But the whole “it takes a month to brew” thing was a little dragged out. I mean, REALLY that’s the only thing you can think of to talk to Malfoy and you’re REALLY going to put all your effort into that for a whole month and not try anything else? And in HP4, I’ll talk more about the improbability of Moody drinking Polyjuice potion every f*cking hour for a whole year.

If it took less than a month then she'd have to come up with potentially more things for them to attempt. But also. Wizards have long lifespans and at least some of them were there when the Chamber was open before and they don't have any like. Ideas for how to stop this? Again. These are supposedly very powerful wizards. Who are just letting teenagers solve things.

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:59 PM, FrogLenzen said:

          The entire series is so inconsistent with its rule on Underage Magic. Every book has a new asterisk or exception or non-exception. This leads me to believe that JKR has no idea why she invented this rule in the first place and that her solution is to do whatever the f*ck she needs to for the plot and explain later. I think that both the “trace” and the rule against underage magic should both have never existed, but for now let’s just talk underage crap.

JK Rowling only made this rule so Harry couldn't make his shitty life with the Dursleys any better. Because she's an $^^@*(!.

[totes4totes]

On 9/8/2020 at 9:59 PM, FrogLenzen said:

Now if I was RON, I’d be even MORE scared of Harry.

Again. See my future essay "Ron is the worst"

[FrogLenzen]

 

On 10/9/2020 at 2:44 PM, totes4totes said:

"IDK maybe all wizards are just assholes"

On 10/9/2020 at 2:47 PM, totes4totes said:

"Wizards are racist assholes who'd rather blame the half giant than the talented but probably evil white kid"

      

 

On 10/9/2020 at 2:39 PM, totes4totes said:

you couldn't have Harry be ZOMG the best and a savant at this very popular position if other people could also score points. 

On 10/9/2020 at 2:50 PM, totes4totes said:

JK Rowling only made this rule so Harry couldn't make his shitty life with the Dursleys any better.

The way she goes out of her way to make Harry either absolutely supertalented or utterly helpless... No in between.

 

On 10/9/2020 at 2:51 PM, totes4totes said:

See my future essay "Ron is the worst"

Can't wait to read. Only if it has more references to blood smoothies

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