The Keys to Success on American Idol

[satyre]

If you're male, be young, be cute, try to be white and country. Dang, a cowboy hat is better than a platinum ticket! If not country, at least keep it bland and pop, jazz and soul ain't gonna cut it, they're so... so... unfamiliar. But if you're black, try not to be too black, and, whatever your color, try not to sound very gay, because the teeny bopper girls who do the voting seem to think that if they vote for you they're going to end up dating you. Now if you're female, it's a little easier... not to win, of course, that's harder... but to do well. It's still way better to be young, cute and country, but it's kind of okay to be black, it's more, um, acceptable.  And remember: second best is always best. << sarcasm