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5th Annual DWTS Rankdown: Speed Run Edition


Alex95

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MARY WILSON

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Mary Wilson was an American singer who gained worldwide recognition as a founding member of The Supremes, the most successful Motown act of the 1960s and the best-charting female group in U.S. chart history, as well as one of the best-selling girl groups of all-time. The trio reached number one on Billboard's Hot 100 with 12 of their singles, 10 of which feature Wilson on backing vocals. Mary Wilson was on Season 28 of Dancing with the Stars where she was partnered with Brandon Armstrong and they were the first boot. They landed in the bottom 2 with Ray Lewis & Cheryl Burke but only received Carrie Ann Inaba's save and ultimately were eliminated. She was able to dance a total of 2 dances where she scored a 17 for her Foxtrot to "Baby Love" by The Supremes and then a 15 for her Cha-cha-cha to "Think" by Aretha Franklin. Overall, Mary was a very talented singer but not the best dancer. RIP Mary Wilson ❤️ 

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Nikki Glaser

Dancing With the Stars' Recap: Nikki Glaser Cracked an Inappropriate Joke  Before Elimination Last Night

 

Nikki was the first boot of Season 27 of DWTS. I liked her and was rooting for her to do better than she did. She seemed to not take things too seriously, while also being earnest and self-aware. She was with Gleb. They didn't do the worst on the first night because Supermarket Jim was also there that season doing awful. But she was among the lowest vote getters that night and had to dance again with a few other couples redoing the same dance style from the first night. She managed to snag a better score than she got the first night, but it was still the bottom of the pack. Stupid Alexis survived over her boooooooooooooooo anyway she was on Drag Race AS7 for the Draguation challenge so who is really winning in the end, hmm??

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Known for his career as a professional wrestler, a star on The A-Team, and for his hairstyle, Mr. T was chosen to be on the 24th season of Dancing With The Stars. The lucky professional that had to dance with Mr. T, in hope that it wasn't going to be a Master P 2.0, was Kym Johnson.  Unfortunately for Kym Johnson, she was just assigned a partner that had no chance in winning the mirrorball trophy.  Their journey on the show lasted for a total of 4 weeks which mean they danced a total of 4 routines ; They took on the Cha Cha Cha, Paso Doble, Foxtrot, and a Waltz which was highest score but it was also overscored.  Kym definitely tried her best in turning Mr. T into a ballroom dancer but it was never going to happen ! And for Mr. T, he was never going to be as iconic as Master P was on DWTS. 

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Warren Sapp

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Here's another shitty person we all seemingly forgot about! Warren was the runner-up of S7 of DWTS. I actually really liked Warren on the show. I'm always a fan of the big guys who are light on their feet and surprisingly great dancers. While I was not here for him beating Lance, I would've been happy to see him win over Brooke. His Tango is probably his best dance, but I've always been highkey obsessed with his Hustle which was so so fun. Back in the day when DWTS used to have fun styles. We all know where I stand on BRING THE MAMBO BACK!!!!! Anyways, Warren has also been arrested for domestic battery multiple times. He lost an opportunity with the NFL Network during the Super Bowl after the first time, but it seems like they hired him back, only to fire him when this happened again. Hmm maybe we should believe women the first time idk what do I know????

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Nev Schulman

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I'm really surprised Nev is still here. I don't feel like I'm even nearly the right person to do the rightful dragging of him and I think someone could do a better job but hey, I have a few minutes to spare. Nev Schulman, best known for hosting Catfish (a show that is still going! Did not realise that this was a show which had a lifespan of 10 years in it.) appeared on Season 29 partnered up with Jenna. Nev had some dance training which I feel like emerged during his time on the show which, look I'm all for a ringer, but I'm pretty sure he kinda got an attitude about it and kept downplaying it even though by the end all the cast were pretty much openly joking about it (Skai's side comment at like the 2:25 mark in this interview still kills me).

 

 

Nev was a decent dancer, and while I wasn't exactly a big Kaitlyn fan (team Justina in that finale all day!), it was super satisfying to see Kaitlyn and Artem clinch the win at the end. Kaitlyn and Nev were fun and jokey about the result on social media but then Nev has had numerous instances since then where he'll do some jokey comment in an interview or on Twitter about being 'robbed' and you can tell the result still definitely stings him a little to this day. Glorious. Away from his run on the show, Nev has a list of allegations of assault - one of which he literally admitted to in his book - but hey, guess we're just brushing that under the carpet because he knows how to use Google Reverse Image Search to catch online impersonators?? Bye Nev!

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George Hamilton

 

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For season 2 of the show, Edyta was partnered with actor George Hamilton. Now, George was a step up from her season 1 partner Evander, but he still wasn't that great. But his scores make it seem like he was much better than he actually was. His lowest score was a 18 for his week 1 Cha-Cha. For the rest of the season, he would consistently score in the 21-24 range, with his highest score being a 24 for his Samba. I don't even have to rewatch his dances to tell you that he was grossly overscored because he's a man who showed up and made it through his dance. Nothing he did warranted 8's. Somehow, he placed 5th. He also outlasted far superior dancers in Tia Carrere and Giselle Fernandez. This is the same nonsense that has been going on every season since the show's debut. He's a better dancer than his son Ashley, who competed on season 9. I'll give him that. But he's not a good enough dancer to be getting 8's and making it all the way to 5th place. Luckily, he stopped robbing people at that point and got eliminated. I'm just doing my part to continue to rid this rankdown of the mediocre men who overstayed his welcome, so he can go now.

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Petra Nemcova

 

Petra Nemcova explains reason for joining 'Dancing With the Stars' - The  Washington Post

 

Another one I have no memory of.  Petra was a contestant on Season 12 of Dancing with the Stars.  She was partnered with Dmitri.  I only really remember one of Dmitri's partners so I suppose this makes sense.  Petra made it to week 5 of the show and finished in 8th place.  Her highest scoring dance was her Waltz to Raise Me up.  So I have now gone and watched it since thats one of my favorite songs.  It was a solid Waltz and she scored a 25 for it.  Her lowest scores were 18 for her Foxtrot and her Jive.  I don't believe she would be robbed since her season is mostly a blur to me outside of Kirstie, Kendra and Ralph.

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Drew Scott

 

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Andrew Alfred "Drew" Scott is known for being on the Emmy nominated show Property Brothers with his twin brother, Jonathan. He is also a New York Times bestselling author and actor. He is one of People's "sexiest men alive." Drew was on Season 25 of Dancing with the Stars and his partner was Emma Slater. During his time on the show, he danced several dances, including his lowest scored dance (a Foxtrot to Our House) and his highest scored dance (a Freestyle to The Ding-Dong Daddy of the D-Car Line). He placed 4th that season, which was too high since he is yet another mediocre dancer.

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Valerie Harper

 

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Valerie Harper was a legendary actress, who competed on the 17th season of Dancing with the Stars, where she was partnered with Tristan MacManus. Valerie is known for starring in shows such as The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Rhoda, both in the 70s. Valerie had also battled cancer through the last decade of her life, which was really sad and heartbreaking. :( But I love how Valerie always remained positive in life through the battles she was dealing with. One of which included competing on the show. Sadly she wasn't one of the strongest dancers of the season but she did give it her all and had fun, which is what really mattered. Valerie danced a Foxtrot (21), Paso Doble (19), Cha-Cha (16) and Viennese Waltz (18). I thought the Cha-Cha was her worst dance. But her Foxtrot or Viennese Waltz either one of those were her better dances. Looking at the scores, I'll say her Foxtrot was better. No surprises she did better in ballroom than Latin. Valerie lasted 4 weeks on the show and placed 10th. I think she left at the right time and didn't rob any dancers that were better, so a fair elimination all in all. But most importantly, Valerie had an inspiring journey on the show and she did what she had to do! Valerie did become the 2nd DWTS celebrity to pass in 2019. She left such an impactful legacy in her career and may she rest in peace. ❤️ 

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JAMIE ANDERSON

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Jamie Louise Anderson is an American professional snowboarder. She won the gold medal in the inaugural Women's Slopestyle Event at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia and repeated the feat at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea, making her the first female snowboarder to win more than one Olympic gold medal. She has 25 total medals:eighteen gold, five silver, and two bronze. Jamie Anderson was partnered with Artem Chigvintsev on Season 26 of Dancing with the Stars, the Athletes season. They were one of the first two couples eliminated together. Jamie danced a Viennese waltz to "Feeling Good" in which she scored a 19 and was then eliminated. I'm just cutting her now so that Lolo & Paulina are the last 2 remaining first boots, duh!

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Paulina Porizkova

Vogue Magazine April 1987 – High Valley Bookspaulina porizkova — Vogue Germany, September 1988Cover of Vogue Germany with Paulina Porizkova, August 1987 (ID:3145)|  Magazines | The FMDUS Vogue July 1987 Paulina Porizkova by Avedon | Vogue, Paulina porizkova,  Vogue usVogue Magazine Paulina Porizkova Cover September 1986: Paulina Porizkova,  Vogue: Amazon.com: BooksPaulina Porizkova Throughout the Years in Vogue – VOGUEGRAPHYPaulina Porizkova's Vogue Covers : r/ANTMBritish Vogue September 1988 Cover (British Vogue)Paulina Porizkova Throughout the Years in Vogue | Paulina porizkova, Vogue  magazine covers, Vogue magazineThe Big Book of Art - My Own Vogue Cover #26 - WattpadVogue Magazine - December 1986 - Paulina Porizkova Cover: Grace Mirabella -  Editor: Amazon.com: BooksVogue UK Sept 1986 British Original Vintage Fashion Magazine - EtsyPaulina by Bill King, 1985 | Paulina porizkova, Vogue covers, Vogue parisPaulina Porizkova Throughout the Years in Vogue – VOGUEGRAPHY

 

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Paulina is a supermodel and cover girl. And was a judge for another famously versatile model, Allison Harvard. And one of Octavia St. Laurent's inspirations. And she was the first boot of DWTS Season 4. She was partnered with Season 1 Champion, Alec Mazo. And they actually didn't do too badly. She got to dance twice and was never the lowest scoring dancer of the week. Unfortunately, she did not develop enough of a fanbase to outlast much worse dancers on her season. Thankfully, we have already fixed that error in this rankdown. So it is time for her to go. Does that mean Lolo wins or does Pamela Anderson also count as a first boot????? Hmmmm we'll have to see what people think when the time comes to cut those two as well. 

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Nyle DiMarco

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If we are willing to cut Zendaya then I guess I do not need to be nice anymore and will just cut good dancers I don't like either because it seems that is what everyone is doing at this point. Is Nyle a good dancer? Yes. Was he massively overrated by the judges? also yes. He easily won season 22 and it was not secret at the time I was rooting for Paige but at least Ginger didn't win. Is this a fair spot for him? Probably not, but neither were a lot of the cuts that happened while I was gone lol. So I will take out someone who is good and popular around here but I just don't love.

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Debbie Gibson

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We are staring down the barrel of a Jordan, Vanessa, Nikki final three for S25 so of course I'm not gonna let that pass me by. Truly the season we deserved :wub:. Anyways, in fourth place is our second boot of the season, Debbie Gibson :dead:. Debbie was Alan's first real partner on the show, so we were all pretty excited for her going into the season. I don't think Debbie was ever gonna do well. Alan wasn't established on the show really outside of the brief partnership with Heather Morris and Debbie herself wasn't exactly a big name. She was also one of the older cast mates on the season. Anyways, she danced three fine dances. They weren't amazing, nor were they terrible. She was the second one eliminated. No one was surprised to see her go. I would've liked to see her last over a few contestants, but she wasn't a huge loss.

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