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Alex95

2019 Dancing with the Stars Rankdown

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Bobby Bones

 

 

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Should have been out first. Bobby bones sucks. In dancing competition that he won, but couldn't dance, in his career, and probably in life but I don't know him like that. At least he brought us Lauren Alaina this season, who is a trip.

 

 

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Anyway Lauren Alaina also sucks because she took a finale spot from Haley Reinhart. She sang okay throughout the middle, late part of the competition but country barbie was not deserving of a spot in the finale, but we been knew the producers agenda since week 1. Wait, wrong show? Okay, oh also wrong contestant, aiight.

 

 

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Bobby Bones was paired with Sharna Burgess, gross. I was at least thinking, he is shared with Sharna so he can't win right? Nope that devil finally broke through and gave Sharna her win :x. I don't really have anything to say about his non-dancing. Did you know he got a perfect score before much better dance Hannah Brown did? Yikes, let that sink in.

 

Alright I have successfully strung together 100 words about Bobby Bones in some form. He took the crown from more worthy finalists Milo and Evanna, go away. Now my job is complete.

 

Save: Paula

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Cut Bristol

Save :unsure:

I randomized my save and randomizer told me to save Bonner so I guess that’s what I’m going with.

I'm refreshing this because I was out running errands when noms got posted, so I need the extra time to properly drag Bristol again.

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tgT0p_a02ig

Rick Perry is known for being the Governor of TX who failed to get the GOP nominations in 2012 & 2016 - side note: I find it hilarious how GOP politicians always have to go on DWTS to stay relevant. Anyway, Rick Perry thought it was a good idea to appear & compete on the 23rd of DWTS which aired in 2016 - we all know what 2016 represents in politics... On the show, he was paired with Emma Slater where they failed to leave a mark on the audience - this was back when a certain person was not president & did not campaign for fellow GOPers that appears on DWTS. Let's just say that Rick's dances were not the greatest - I feel like they were always awkward & at the time, I thought he was overscored until I was introduced to Sean's score on DWTS. And now, it's time for him to walk away from this rankdown!

SAVING: SEAN AVERY
Edited by Star*Man

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BRISTOL PALIN

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Bristol Palin is a f*cking horrible excuse for a human being, and I have no qualms about using this entire write-up to drag her as a person, as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, and her entire family. The ones that are old enough to think for themselves are all an actual waste of oxygen, and are reason enough for us to renounce Alaska's statehood. :) Bristol Palin's mother, Sarah Palin, unfortunately came into the mainstream in 2008 when John McCain was so desperate to try and beat Barack Obama that he picked her as his vice president, wrongfully thinking he would get the votes from people that wanted a female president. Then again, John McCain was also a terrible person, so I'm not surprised he chose Sarah Palin in retrospect.

 

Bristol Palin firmly believes in abstinence only sex education and that sex before marriage is an upfront on the Lord. Yes, really. The same Bristol Palin that actively had sex before marriage and whose mother tried to play her son off as her own to prevent any controversy. I literally cannot. Based off her reality show, she's also a terrible mother seeing as how there were clips of her child swearing and calling people f*ggots for not letting him play with the toys he wanted to play with. Someone call CPS, please and thank you. ^_^

 

Unfortunately, ABC loves ruining this show more and more every season, so Bristol Palin was unfortunately cast in season eleven. I'm not sure what drugs the judges were on, but it took her until the fifth week to have the lowest score in the competition. FIVE WEEKS. For five weeks, Carrie Ann, Bruno and Len sat there and told us LIES about Bristol's scores deserving anything higher than a 1. Honestly. She was actually terrible. Take the worst qualities of Hope & Maks' chemistry, mix it with the dancing ability of Master P, add in the judges praise for Bindi Irwin, and I'm sure the end result would be Bristol Palin's scores and journey. :ermm: At least she kept her rightful place at the bottom of the leaderboard for the majority of the season, but that's an insult to the couples who were below her for the first four weeks, and to the couple who was below her in the sixth week. Contestants, sweeties, I'm so sorry.

 

Naturally the whole time that the judges are giving Bristol low scores that are still somehow far too high for her, and the audience is clearly not a fan of her, Bristol's whining to Mark Ballas - who did NOT deserve to have Bristol for two seasons, but more on that later - about how hard the judges are to her because she's trying so hard. :'( :'( :'( And yet we're the snowflakes, amirite? :rolleyes: Naturally we were all expecting Bristol to rob either Kyle (which she does eventually) or Brandy (which she does sooner) because, you know, they're black and Jennifer Grey is with D*rek, so low and behold, the top four results roll around, and Bristol manages to squirm her way into the finale while Brandy and Maks are robbed. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED THE AUDACITY OF THE JUDGES TO GIVE BRISTOL AND BRANDY THE SAME SCORE FOR THEIR FIRST ROUTINE THAT WEEK? OFF WITH THEIR HEADS. (!)

 

Thankfully Bristol couldn't snake her way into the top two, as Brandy's fans were clearly going to go to Kyle and Jennifer was the pre-ordained winner. :yawn: As such, Bristol ended her visual abortion of a run by becoming just the third finalist to never receive a 10, just ahead of John O'Hurley (who's also a sh*tty person) and Jerry Rice (Stacy deserved better). Oh, well, at least she lost, even if it took *looks at Wikipedia* TEN F*CKING WEEKS. :|

 

We all thought the horror of Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars was thankfully over, but All Stars rolls around and... oh joy, it's during the election season of 2012. :| So Bristol Palin is instantly in the cast, which means ABC is clearly going for a looser definition of the term "All Star" than CBS went with "Game Changer" on Survivor. That means that while Bristol Palin was automatically cast for All Stars, we had to choose between Sabrina Bryan, Kyle Massey or Carson Kressley.

 

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The worst is that Mark Ballas was yet again saddled with Bristol, while Sabrina Bryan went to Louis Van Amstel. (Given that Sabrina and Mark dated during S5, this was probably for the best, though I would've been here for that drama.) His former champion Shawn Johnson was also in the cast, so naturally the show decided to f*ck Mark over big time and give her to D*rek Hough. The level of rigga morris... far too much.

 

Bristol thankfully only made our eyes bleed for four weeks this time around instead of ten, but it was still four weeks of personal torture that I'd like to sue ABC for. :) She also wasn't even in the bottom two in scores the first week, so the judges clearly don't know how to do their job. :ermm: Continuing her streak from season ten, she also whined to Mark for the entire four weeks about how hard the judges and social media was being on her by daring to score her what they did (which was still too high and Twitter tell her she wasn't an all star (which she wasn't). She also correctly figured out that Mark Ballas definitely did not want to deal with her for another season, and Mark had to try and convince her that he was happy with her as his All Stars partner even though his eyes clearly read:

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But Bristol was thankfully eliminated from the competition in fourth place, thus ending her reign of terror on the show for good. Hopefully. After the shenanigans that ABC has pulled lately, I don't trust them not to bring her back again or bring back one of her relatives. But let's pray that never happens.

 

RANDOMIZER SAVED: Bonner Bolton

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Elliott :wub: outside that save
To be fair, the rules state I have to save someone. It's not like I willingly wanted to save any of them. :dead:

 

I was a little surprised she wasn't doing the reunion but then saw some interviews she did about being in the group and can totally see why she didn't do it. Out of all the girls she got the toughest treatment I think. >.<
I'm surprised Carmit came back since they low-key forced her out because she was ten years older than the others, but I guess she has nothing else going on in her life.

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RlJKKg0Ajjo

A. Someone please tell me how he and Sh*rna weren't immediately arrested for trying to make every viewer go blind after this.

B. I'm using this routine as leverage whenever someone Anne tries to shade I'm Too Sexy.

 

Edit to add Point C: Britt should've instantly been promoted to a pro after them making her dance the routine.

Edited by jstxanothrxstory

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My favorite part is after the dance, some random woman in the audience is living for it meanwhile everyone else (including Alfonso's wife) looks disgusted :wub:

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My favorite part is after the dance, some random woman in the audience is living for it meanwhile everyone else (including Alfonso's wife) looks disgusted :wub:
She was actually cheering the fact that the dance was finally over. :yes:

 

But LOL I never noticed Alfonso and his wife's complete lack of clapping afterward. :dead:

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Elliott’s dragging of Bristol. :dead::wub:
This is my first time actually getting to cut her, so I had to make sure it was worth it. :wub:

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BRISTOL PALIN

IPB Image

 

Bristol Palin is a f*cking horrible excuse for a human being, and I have no qualms about using this entire write-up to drag her as a person, as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, and her entire family. The ones that are old enough to think for themselves are all an actual waste of oxygen, and are reason enough for us to renounce Alaska's statehood. :) Bristol Palin's mother, Sarah Palin, unfortunately came into the mainstream in 2008 when John McCain was so desperate to try and beat Barack Obama that he picked her as his vice president, wrongfully thinking he would get the votes from people that wanted a female president. Then again, John McCain was also a terrible person, so I'm not surprised he chose Sarah Palin in retrospect.

 

Bristol Palin firmly believes in abstinence only sex education and that sex before marriage is an upfront on the Lord. Yes, really. The same Bristol Palin that actively had sex before marriage and whose mother tried to play her son off as her own to prevent any controversy. I literally cannot. Based off her reality show, she's also a terrible mother seeing as how there were clips of her child swearing and calling people f*ggots for not letting him play with the toys he wanted to play with. Someone call CPS, please and thank you. ^_^

 

Unfortunately, ABC loves ruining this show more and more every season, so Bristol Palin was unfortunately cast in season eleven. I'm not sure what drugs the judges were on, but it took her until the fifth week to have the lowest score in the competition. FIVE WEEKS. For five weeks, Carrie Ann, Bruno and Len sat there and told us LIES about Bristol's scores deserving anything higher than a 1. Honestly. She was actually terrible. Take the worst qualities of Hope & Maks' chemistry, mix it with the dancing ability of Master P, add in the judges praise for Bindi Irwin, and I'm sure the end result would be Bristol Palin's scores and journey. :ermm: At least she kept her rightful place at the bottom of the leaderboard for the majority of the season, but that's an insult to the couples who were below her for the first four weeks, and to the couple who was below her in the sixth week. Contestants, sweeties, I'm so sorry.

 

Naturally the whole time that the judges are giving Bristol low scores that are still somehow far too high for her, and the audience is clearly not a fan of her, Bristol's whining to Mark Ballas - who did NOT deserve to have Bristol for two seasons, but more on that later - about how hard the judges are to her because she's trying so hard. :'( :'( :'( And yet we're the snowflakes, amirite? :rolleyes: Naturally we were all expecting Bristol to rob either Kyle (which she does eventually) or Brandy (which she does sooner) because, you know, they're black and Jennifer Grey is with D*rek, so low and behold, the top four results roll around, and Bristol manages to squirm her way into the finale while Brandy and Maks are robbed. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED THE AUDACITY OF THE JUDGES TO GIVE BRISTOL AND BRANDY THE SAME SCORE FOR THEIR FIRST ROUTINE THAT WEEK? OFF WITH THEIR HEADS. (!)

 

Thankfully Bristol couldn't snake her way into the top two, as Brandy's fans were clearly going to go to Kyle and Jennifer was the pre-ordained winner. :yawn: As such, Bristol ended her visual abortion of a run by becoming just the third finalist to never receive a 10, just ahead of John O'Hurley (who's also a sh*tty person) and Jerry Rice (Stacy deserved better). Oh, well, at least she lost, even if it took *looks at Wikipedia* TEN F*CKING WEEKS. :|

 

We all thought the horror of Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars was thankfully over, but All Stars rolls around and... oh joy, it's during the election season of 2012. :| So Bristol Palin is instantly in the cast, which means ABC is clearly going for a looser definition of the term "All Star" than CBS went with "Game Changer" on Survivor. That means that while Bristol Palin was automatically cast for All Stars, we had to choose between Sabrina Bryan, Kyle Massey or Carson Kressley.

 

IPB Image

 

The worst is that Mark Ballas was yet again saddled with Bristol, while Sabrina Bryan went to Louis Van Amstel. (Given that Sabrina and Mark dated during S5, this was probably for the best, though I would've been here for that drama.) His former champion Shawn Johnson was also in the cast, so naturally the show decided to f*ck Mark over big time and give her to D*rek Hough. The level of rigga morris... far too much.

 

Bristol thankfully only made our eyes bleed for four weeks this time around instead of ten, but it was still four weeks of personal torture that I'd like to sue ABC for. :) She also wasn't even in the bottom two in scores the first week, so the judges clearly don't know how to do their job. :ermm: Continuing her streak from season ten, she also whined to Mark for the entire four weeks about how hard the judges and social media was being on her by daring to score her what they did (which was still too high and Twitter tell her she wasn't an all star (which she wasn't). She also correctly figured out that Mark Ballas definitely did not want to deal with her for another season, and Mark had to try and convince her that he was happy with her as his All Stars partner even though his eyes clearly read:

IPB Image

 

But Bristol was thankfully eliminated from the competition in fourth place, thus ending her reign of terror on the show for good. Hopefully. After the shenanigans that ABC has pulled lately, I don't trust them not to bring her back again or bring back one of her relatives. But let's pray that never happens.

 

RANDOMIZER SAVED: Bonner Bolton

Who did he eliminated there isn't a picture of her. :detective: SAVE / CUT INVALID. (!)

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Who did he eliminated there isn't a picture of her. :detective: SAVE / CUT INVALID. (!)
I'll change the photo when you stop delaying every round because of Honey Boo Boo. :*

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Who did he eliminated there isn't a picture of her. :detective: SAVE / CUT INVALID. (!)

I'll change the photo when you stop delaying every round because of Honey Boo Boo. :*

:dead:

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Remaining Nominees:

Johnny Damon

Antonio Brown

Tavis Smiley

Keyshawn Johnson

Victor Ortiz

Andy Dick

Michael Bolton

Wayne Newton

Antonio Sabàto, Jr.

Lawrence Taylor

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Sean Avery survived and that's all I cared about :wub:

You're welcome!

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Antonio Brown

 

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Antonio Brown is an NFL player and garbage person who screwed up his career with his ego and despicable actions. He was on season 22 of DWTS and was paired with Sh**na during the "Sharna needs a win!" era but despite the pairing of a well-known NFL player with a popular pro, they didn't make the Finals thanks to Antonio's laziness. Since I kind of felt sorry for Sharna during this season and it was before she became annoying and really desperate to win, I'll resist from censoring her name out of respect. Anyway, NFL players are automatically contenders the minute they are cast on DWTS so it seemed like a sure bet that Sharna had a winner in her hands but Antonio showed almost zero interest in training and rehearsing, arriving super late to rehearsals with both his regular partner and his switch-up partner Karina. The week of the switch-up, the cast was asked in a pre-recorded segment who they thought would win and Sharna said Wanya Morris before adding, "I should probably say Antonio right?" Antonio, the pot, called Sharna, the kettle, black and confronted her about not being a team player :rolleyes: The confrontation was reportedly way worse than shown on TV. While they seemed to patch things up and stay friendly after DWTS, they haven't recently and surprisingly Sh**na didn't defend him when he was accused of rape. Shortly before, she had said in an interview that she had to turn down partners' advances so maybe that was why she wasn't so eager to give her usual bull**** defense of her trash partners? Oh and also Antonio Brown hasn't paid child support despite all the talk about how he is such a good father :rolleyes: Oh yeah and his Lego hairstyle was stupid.

 

Edit to add my save: Keyshawn Johnson because I haven't heard any trash on him.

Edited by Ariel1989

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Tavis Smiley

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Well...he certainly exists. I guess at some point he was on Dancing with the Stars. Wikipedia kindly tells me that this was during season 19. He was paired with idf favorite: Sharna Burgess. (our love is well known throughout the internet. Twitter and message boards that haven't died speak of this)

Now I kind of remember him. People were annoyed it didn't seem like Sharna was coming back the season after she had Charlie. Then she got stuck with an obvious first boot. :haha: :hah Bummer for her.

Now unto his short lived time on the show. He attempted a foxtrot and cha cha. I'm assuming both were over scored. After he left, no one really thought about him again because he is that unremarkable.

 

Saving the guy who was on General Hospital

Edited by aliasocfan

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