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> Flying By with the Butterfly Bandit - Performance Show - 08/15/06
ButterflyBandit
post Aug 15th 2006, 9:40 PM
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“Are You Ready For a New Sensation?”

Brooke’s wearing a purple dress that looks so matronly Mama Butterfly wouldn’t even be caught wearing it. She tells us the show is going to be stripped down, and I start looking around for a surprise cameo by the former Mrs. Navarro (whose workout I’m on disc 3 of, by the way – sorry Brooke). To make up for her absence, Dave and Tommy start to strip, and I try to take my mind off of it by thinking lovely thoughts of Toby, Gilby, me and a little Gin Blossoms playing on the radio as we spend the night making mad, passionate pancakes together.

They recap the Vegas trip, making a note of Toby losing his Vegasginity. He gets smashed after a trip to “The Joint,” after they wind up in a penthouse that comes complete with its own trashy blondes and a bowling alley. The next day, everyone takes part in a hung-over song selection, where two battles ensue: One that ends in Dilana making Toby run around naked (bless you, Dilana!) to get the chance to play with Gilby (mmmm…naked Toby and Gilby), and one that ended with Zayra using the word “really” so much it made Ryan’s head explode all over the original song she wanted to sing.

When we come back, the censors have made Dave and Tommy Lee redress, and Faux-Depp makes my heart skip a beat by appreciating Toby getting naked for him. I appreciate it, too, Toby Buns.

Zayra’s original song is something written in Spanish, and – while I can’t understand a word coming out of the chica’s mouth – I love how it sounds. Right for Supernova? That’d be a big, fat “hell no.” But, you have to hand it to her. Give the girl a sponge of emotion and she will wring it to death. So, I give her props on that. Unless she was singing about clubbing baby seals. She’s proud to be fulfilling her dreams, and I’m thankful they’ll be posting the lyrics in Butterfly Bandit-ese. *prays for the baby seals*

Magni follows with a questionable rendition of “Starman” by David Bowie. It was cheesy enough to drop him several pegs with me. Sounding like Clay Aiken meant you la-la-la-la-lost me. Sorry. I’m sure back in Vegas that would have been the cat’s meow. Tommy thought he sang well, and both suffer from Vegasnesia. Gilby wanted a sing-along. What is this? Rock Star: Sesame Street?

When I wake up, I’m not sure what I missed, but Patrice is singing the Police’s “Message in a Bottle.” All I can think is, “honey, no one’s going to get your SOS because you’ve put the few of us who maintained post-Magni consciousness back to sleep.” Give Suzie her face back, Phil his sleepy-shtick back, and exit stage left. If you’re quick, you can catch a cab with Jill. Dave wants her to unleash her inner rocker, but she can’t do that, since her inner rocker is too busy baking muffins with Mig.

Things go from bad to worse as Lukas manages to both butcher Chad Kroeger (yeah, that’s possible!), ruin midnight spins of “Hero” for me, AND make the confused, teenage atheists of the world cringe as they flash back to their days of being an alter boy. He’s the missing smarmy link between church and prison when he struts out on the stage in his priest collar, and his vocals suffer. Was that collar choking him? I’m not trying to be hard on him, but if other people get called out for their gimmicks (Zayra and her outfits, Toby and his megaphone), then this guy needs to get called out for his. Figure out who you are, Lukas, pick up Paula Abdul’s vocal coach DVD and call me when you get a clue.

If Supernova and I were ever on different pages, it was cemented by Storm. She did a Cake-y version of “I Will Survive,” disco hit made famous by Gloria Gaynor. I loved it. It was raw, edgy, just a hint of vulnerability still lingering about despite the empowerment. And, she gets possibly the worst criticism of both seasons? What gives? That was not as bad as Dave and the Mad Hatters let on. She handled it with more grace and class than I would have, but I’m sure somewhere in her mind, she was imagining herself as Marie Antoinette boldly exclaiming, “Let them eat JD-butt cake.”

I was so excited about Toby and Gilby working together, but this was just all kinds of wrong. Toby’s vocals were fine on “Solsbury Hill,” and Jason even did his trademark seal clap. I just didn’t like it. I love Toby. I love Toby’s butt. I love Toby’s voice. But, this was Magni-ish at best. I won’t be surprised to see him land in the bottom three. Maybe they’ll save him, though, since Tommy likes his booty. At least that’s *something* he and I have in common tonight.

I liked Ryan well enough, with his rendition of “In the Air Tonight” making me like a Phil Collins song for the first time in my life. I just wish he’d stop staring at me like he’s waiting to catch me in a dark parking lot one night. There’s no point in stabbing me! I’m short, pudgy and broke. Unless you’re willing to stab a girl over her stash of butterfly hairclips, I’d suggest toning it down. Look at Toby’s butt. That’s enough to calm anyone. Ghandi said so. Dave, meanwhile, tells him it’s the best performance of the night, but, that’s a wee bit premature. I’m sure Dilana wants to prove him wrong.

And, she does. First, I didn’t like this (I know – I’m risking the vengeance of the voodoo doll) but it suffered from all kinds of “Time After Time” missed potential. She moved around so much (which was my major problem with TAT). It robbed me of the emotion I was supposed to be feeling. This song does tug my heartstrings, but not when I’m so distracted trying to follow you around that I forget to listen to you. Dave took back his “best performance of the night” comment and gave it to her if only because Daddy Navarro is there. Uh oh. Let’s think back on what happened to the last person Dave got mushy over after a final performance ….

As we wait for the results of the EB3, I’m just disappointed. What the hell happened tonight? I liked Ryan and hated Toby? Did Zayra mind-warp me to her home planet? This was just a rough night. I dug three out of eight performances and have honest trouble picking an encore, if only because all three of them seem capable of killing me if they ever track me down.

EB3: Patrice (*yawn* shocking!), Toby (heartbreaking, but not shocking) and Zayra (like anyone’s surprised).

BBB3: Lukas, Patrice and Magni
Encore Prediction: Dilana (it’ll give me a few minutes to flip over and check out something else on the TV, at least)
BBEncore: Zayra, just so I can learn the lyrics to that dang song in my language.


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post Aug 15th 2006, 9:40 PM


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ButterflyBandit
post Aug 15th 2006, 9:53 PM
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Posted in wrong place -- sorry!


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istersay
post Aug 16th 2006, 4:34 PM
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post Aug 21st 2006, 9:34 AM
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