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Jen
post Yesterday, 9:58 PM
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QUOTE(juniorfan4eva @ Apr 18th 2015, 7:33 AM) *

Thanks everyone! w00t.gif happy.gif

Marisa I feel you so hard it's currently 7:32 am I have been lying in bed for HOURS trying to sleep (I literally have to be at work in two hours and let me tell you working with mentally/physically disabled children all day is EXHAUSTING)... lots and lots of coffee will be needed omg. It's bad too because it's the first day so we're meeting their parents and I'm going to look like garbage and they'll be like please stay away from my child roll.gif whistling.gif That sounds so nice about surprising your sisters though! I wish my sister did stuff like that for me... this dance thing is the first nice thing she's done in so long haha.gif

Okay also I am wondering everyone's advice and this is kind of a touchy subject/I don't really talk about it that much so. pinch.gif I don't know how many of you know but it's not exactly a secret that I was officially diagnosed with anorexia nervosa last year, got down to about 92 pounds, the doctors all said that the rapid weight loss was what caused my gallbladder issues, I was put in the hospital, etc. etc. This has been going on for years but it was last Easter that I spent in the hospital. It was a brutal summer and they told me if I gained weight by myself I wouldn't have to go into therapy and so I did end up gaining weight and they just kind of left me alone from there... Lia and I text a lot so I have someone who knows what I've gone through and that helps. SO as you all know I started up dancing again this year and I've been so happy with it not only because it's something I've done my whole life and that I love but you know it is a form of exercise that I'm getting and it's not really like a huge effort or anything, like it doesn't feel like "ugh I have to go work out now" sort of thing if that makes sense. I have my elliptical in my apartment but I don't like using it because it just kind of makes me think of when I'd use it excessively for hours until I got to the point of passing out and I just worry I'll use it and get back into eating disorder mindset. I'm obviously not completely 100% happy with my body (who is?) but I feel so much better mentally. I can eat something without hating myself or feeling like I need to work it off somehow, I don't have a panic attack if I have to eat in public... idk I just genuinely feel a lot better.

Despite all of this I'm still getting comments (mostly from my family but from some friends as well) that I'm still "too thin". I was telling this to Brandon and he asked me how much I weighed and I said I alternate between 100-105 lbs and he was just like, "that's still not too much" ermm.gif I'm a naturally tiny person (other than my boobs anyway haha.gif ), I'm only 5'0", so that's a pretty average weight for my height. Also all of March I was dancing hardcore like multiple hours multiple times a week getting ready for recital, so that was a lot of physical exercise. Abbi said this is the thinnest she's ever seen me and she's super worried. Anyway on Easter everybody was freaking out like omg emma you look sick you need to gain weight etc. etc. so just a combination of being lazy and it being the last week of school I kind of binged super hardcore - my friends and I would go out to eat a lot, order pizza, drink, snack on junk food, and I never really felt too guilty about it and I was good. I wasn't working out at all, dance finished at the end of March, like literally all I was doing were my daily morning crunches and pushups and I only do like 10 minutes worth of those and I was even skipping days for those because Brandon was staying over a lot. I didn't gain any weight and when I got home today my mom still freaked out over how supposedly thin I am.

Idk I just needed to vent I guess. I don't feel unhealthy, but everybody seems to be concerned again??

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This was me on this Easter when everyone was making a big fuss over me. unsure.gif I just don't know what to say because it is kind of annoying to constantly hear that tbh especially when I feel so good mentally and I'm so happy and I really do feel genuinely recovered but nobody seems to believe me.


You look great! I think it's hard for loved ones to see someone struggle so much and they're always in the back of their minds going to be concerned? It might take them some time to accept that you're healthy and happy! If that makes sense? It's not right that they are being rude but idk just thinking about it from their side I guess. But the most important thing is that you're healthy and happy and they'll see that and only that soon!


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juniorfan4eva
post Yesterday, 10:12 PM
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QUOTE(Jen @ Apr 18th 2015, 10:58 PM) *

You look great! I think it's hard for loved ones to see someone struggle so much and they're always in the back of their minds going to be concerned? It might take them some time to accept that you're healthy and happy! If that makes sense? It's not right that they are being rude but idk just thinking about it from their side I guess. But the most important thing is that you're healthy and happy and they'll see that and only that soon!

Thank you very much for saying that, I really appreciate it huggy.gif heart.gif

JoAnna glad you're feeling better! Hope you stay that way happy.gif


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saran4886
post Today, 6:21 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling so insulted by your loved ones' concerns, Emma. sad.gif I probably would be too, if I had gone through what you had and worked so hard to be in recovery and everything. I mean, you're clearly happy and you look gorgeous in pretty much anything, tbh. yes.gif
Maybe it's just that dress in particular with the silhouette on the front that might make you look a bit thinner than you really are? unsure.gif


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AngelOfMusic8908
post Today, 9:31 AM
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QUOTE(saran4886 @ Apr 19th 2015, 6:21 AM) *

I'm sorry you're feeling so insulted by your loved ones' concerns, Emma. sad.gif I probably would be too, if I had gone through what you had and worked so hard to be in recovery and everything. I mean, you're clearly happy and you look gorgeous in pretty much anything, tbh. yes.gif
Maybe it's just that dress in particular with the silhouette on the front that might make you look a bit thinner than you really are? unsure.gif

I agree with this, Emma. I'm sorry that you're feeling insulted by this. Like Sara said, I'd probably feel the same way if I had gone through that. You definitely seem happy and you look great in that dress!


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juniorfan4eva
post Today, 11:50 AM
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Thank you both so much huggy.gif huggy.gif


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